I never ever, ever talk about my close friends, especially my television friends, with whom I have shared my tears and expressed my fears.  But now, I can’t help myself — I had to write a poem.  It comes from the depths of my being, after being with all these people who were so important to my life:

Star Jones and Lisa Ling, both long gone but of thee I sing.

Liz Hasselbeck and Joy Behar, fox and frenemies they are.

Star and icon Barbara Walters, she parted the barbed waters.

Sherri Shepherd and Jenny McCarthy, the last to leave a boring party.

And now I must leave too.  Now I must leave too.  I must leave too.  Boo-hoo.

So now, I announce, tearfully but with hope for the future, I also am leaving “The View.”  The years I spent on the show, hearing my fellow women express their deepest selves while restraining themselves from tearing into the other selves on the show, it was so inspiring.  I am so thankful to Barbara for giving me the opportunity to say whatever I wanted to say, as long as it lasted a minute or less and didn’t alienate our target audience.  Barbara, thank you so much for teaching me the difference between Rosie O’Donnell and our target audience.

As for the rest of my friends on the show — well, you don’t have to worry about me, I will be fine.  I have many exciting projects planned.  Michelle Obama and Laura Bush have asked me to volunteer to sky-dive onto the roof of a library while eating fresh vegetables.  Arsenio Hall promised me he would buzz me if he ever lands another gig.  And Oprah — did I mention Oprah?

But most of all, I will miss the studio audience who showed up to watch “The View.”  It was a screaming, hooting estro-fest, women who wanted nothing more than to see a good catfight between Whoopi and Meghan McCain as we, your on-stage proxies, fawned and flattered.  Dear Viewers, we shared a special secret, you and I: it’s not who you are, it’s who you know that makes you famous.  I knew the famousest.  And you knew me.