I found this item on the Explore Asheville event calendar for Saturday:

JONAS GERARD – LIVE PAINTING PERFORMANCE

While rhythmic music plays in the background, Jonas becomes completely absorbed in expressing what is in his heart with a gestural painting style that appears almost as a spontaneously choreographed dance. To the viewer, it may seem that the painting is done by the music itself while the artist is simply holding the brush. However, the years of dedication to this trust allows an artistic integrity to flow through his work.

I must admit there is a bit of envy involved in my reaction to this, as very few artists around here enjoy the success or get the kind of publicity Jonas Gerard does.  But really.  There are enough art-world catch phrases and mysto-dramatic pretension in this ballyhoo to make Salvador Dali’s moustache wilt.  Enough to make an impressionable art-tourist spontaneously reach for his wallet.  Enough already.

Now, I welcome you to my live writing performance.  Here I sit, typing along to the rhythmic sounds of our washing machine.  As it ascends into its spin cycle, you see my fingers move ever faster, gliding over the keys and creating words that can only emanate from the common language of humanity.  To the reader, it may seem that this piece is being written by the washing machine itself while I sit on top, transforming its agitations into clear and resonant phrases.  However, years of doing laundry have infused my writing with a kind of clean-clothes integrity that penetrates the very threads of my existence.

Spin cycle done.  Time to put the load in the dryer.  Performance over.