Category Archives: Humour

CHC Comics No. 12

“Wow… those tomatoes are tasteless!”

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U-Pick Limericks

What better way to waste a few seconds of your time today than with this short collection of write-your-own-ending limericks?  Pick the last lines you like best, or invent your own.


A.

My zoo friend, Sir Çedric Gorilla
likes to flaunt that initial cedilla
When asked why, he will say
“Sounds like S not like K

(1) “Of français I have learned a scintilla!”
(2) “But of course, you would know that, Prisçilla.”
(3) “Now gimme back my banana, will ya?”


B.

One day in the House of Kardashian
Kim was dragging a gown out her mansion
Pete, glaze-eyed, looked on, mumbled
“Babe, sump’n wrong?” and Kim said,

(1) “This dustrag is sooo out-of-fashion!”
(2) “It was just something old to put trash in.”
(3) “It’s a shirt Kanye wore to smoke hash in.”


C.

Mister Paranoid wailed to his shrink,
“So tell me, Doc, what do you think?
Is it them?  Is it me?
That guy there?”  Replied she:

(1) “It’s the trolls hiding under your sink.”
(2) “No, we all hate you here at the clinic!”
(3) “What really matters is what you think.”


D.

José, guacamole aficionado,
could not tolerate ripe avocado
If even one bite was yellow,
he would curse you and bellow,

(1) “How dare you muck up my tostado!”
(2) “¡Tirar esta meirde el escusado!” *
(3) “This tastes like a vomit tornado!”


E.

There is an old orange man from Florida
who made our lives horrid and horrider
He would rant long and loud
to his unruly crowds

(1) And those dumbasses think he’s an orator.
(2) ‘Til he got them to storm through the corridors.
(3) Now he wants to come back and do more of it!


* Translation of Limerick D, Ending (2): “This shit should be flushed down the potto!”
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At the Zoo

Something tells me wit’s all happening at the zoo…

CHIPPOPOTAMUS
Chippopotamus - a hippo eating potato chips

GIRAPH
Giraph - giraffe with a graph-paper neck

TIEGER
Tieger - tiger with a reindeer bowtie

GRILLA
Grilla - gorilla grilling bananas

STARFISH
Starfish - wearing sunglasses on red carpet

TWOCANS
Twocans - toucans talking to each other with cans on string

SPOCODILE
Spocodile - croc with ears like Spock

KENGAROO
Kengaroo - kangaroo in Ken doll beach attire

POLER BEAR
Poler Bear - pole-dancing polar bear

ZKIBRA
Zkibra - zebra with goggles on ski slope

LYIN
Lyin - lion in uniform on witness stand

PUFFET
Puffet - puffin about to be snatched by albatross

___________________

* At the Zoo, Paul Simon, 1967.
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