Category Archives: Verse

U-Pick Limericks

What better way to waste a few seconds of your time today than with this short collection of write-your-own-ending limericks?  Pick the last lines you like best, or invent your own.


A.

My zoo friend, Sir Çedric Gorilla
likes to flaunt that initial cedilla
When asked why, he will say
“Sounds like S not like K

(1) “Of français I have learned a scintilla!”
(2) “But of course, you would know that, Prisçilla.”
(3) “Now gimme back my banana, will ya?”


B.

One day in the House of Kardashian
Kim was dragging a gown out her mansion
Pete, glaze-eyed, looked on, mumbled
“Babe, sump’n wrong?” and Kim said,

(1) “This dustrag is sooo out-of-fashion!”
(2) “It was just something old to put trash in.”
(3) “It’s a shirt Kanye wore to smoke hash in.”


C.

Mister Paranoid wailed to his shrink,
“So tell me, Doc, what do you think?
Is it them?  Is it me?
That guy there?”  Replied she:

(1) “It’s the trolls hiding under your sink.”
(2) “No, we all hate you here at the clinic!”
(3) “What really matters is what you think.”


D.

José, guacamole aficionado,
could not tolerate ripe avocado
If even one bite was yellow,
he would curse you and bellow,

(1) “How dare you muck up my tostado!”
(2) “¡Tirar esta meirde el escusado!” *
(3) “This tastes like a vomit tornado!”


E.

There is an old orange man from Florida
who made our lives horrid and horrider
He would rant long and loud
to his unruly crowds

(1) And those dumbasses think he’s an orator.
(2) ‘Til he got them to storm through the corridors.
(3) Now he wants to come back and do more of it!


* Translation of Limerick D, Ending (2): “This shit should be flushed down the potto!”
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MiniVerse

Why Can't I Just Be A Kid

Art Credit: Pitcher and Violin, Georges Braque (1910)
Sweetness Credit: Karsten Sieg (2017, 2019)

Being grown up / is so complicated / why can’t I / just be a kid”

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2121
As the Sun pours its rays on Earth's dust
Airless clouds whirl in russet and rose
Rivers sink into cracks in the crust
Grasses burn as a dreadful wind blows

There were years when the mallows grew tall
Scarlet petals would sip on the dew
When the mist from a cool waterfall
Wetted rocks where the mosses once grew

Wading birds stalked their prey in the ponds 
That the beavers had fashioned from creeks
Lady ferns produced copious fronds
Made to moisten the wading birds' beaks

Lack of snow did away with the streams
Lack of plants led to ever less rain
We accepted extremer extremes
But we hoped for a less painful pain

We watch robins peck dirt to find food
In days past, they found worms everywhere
But as drought baked away plenitude
Easy meals grew increasingly rare

They say corn on the cob was a treat
That our grandparents ate long ago
Maize was bred to survive summer heat
But not hundreds of days in a row

Warming waters drove fish from the shores
And the size of the catches went down
Now we never find fish in the stores
Under ninety-nine dollars a pound

Steaming trucks inch along buckled roads
River barges lay trapped in the sand
Cargo pilots fly overweight loads
And then pray for a safe place to land

Global warming exceeded our fears
Now there's nothing the experts can do
All their warnings just fell on deaf ears
And the poets are drying... up... too...
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