Carly Fiorina says that her business acumen, exemplified by her aborted tenure as the CEO of Hewlett-Packard, is qualification enough for her to be elected President of the United States.  But what do we really know about Ms. Fiorina beyond her own claims of expertise?  For the answer, I welcome you to this week’s episode of Carly or Not, Here I Come!, the blatantly political NPR game show hosted by me, a legend in my own domain, which seems to be the only qualification for NPR game show hosts.

I will present a number of statements to our esteemed but obscure panelists — they will have to decide, for each statement, was it Carly or not?  Today, our panel of humorists, comedians and writers not quite photogenic enough to appear on CBS Sunday Morning will be playing on behalf of Ms. Kate Middleton of Cambridge, England.  If our panelists come up with three or more correct answers, Ms. Middleton will win Rupert Murdoch’s voice on her home answering machine.  Readers, you are welcome to play along, but your first challenge is to stay awake through the rest of the game.  So, here we finally go.

(1) “You have to master not only the art of listening to your head, you must also master listening to your heart and listening to your gut.”  Who said this — Carly Fiorina or Stephen Colbert?

(2)  “You know, I’m very proud of the large number of Hispanic endorsements that I’ve received.”  Who said this — Carly Fiorina or Jeb Bush?

(3)  “I lost my job in the most public way possible, and the press had a field day with it all over the world.  And guess what?  I’m still here.”  Who said this — Carly Fiorina or Richard Nixon?

(4) “I love being a woman.  I like dressing up; I love buying shoes.”  Who said this — Carly Fiorina or Bruce Jenner?

(5)  “We are today ready to execute.”  Who said this — Carly Fiorina or Gov. Rick Perry?

And finally, here is your Bonus Question.  “I think what’s fascinating is how many people are playing in politics who maybe haven’t played before.”  Who said this — Carly Fiorina or… Carly Fiorina?

While we total up the scores — while pretending that Carly Fiorina is not the obvious answer to every question — let me remind you that Carly or Not, Here I Come! is a co-production of NPR and The 100 Billionth Person, reader-supported radio.

This is NPR.