Sweet Potato & Sea Salt Triscuits.
Jordan Klepper as a correspondent for “The Daily Show.”
Nuclear power plants in earthquake and tsunami zones.
Anita Bryant (and may she continue not to work).
Shopping malls from February to October.
Bon Jovi comeback concerts.

Wines that have a sense of humor.
“The View” without Joy Behar and Barbara Walters, or with them.
Porta-Potty hand-wash stations.
The ego-endowed but sterile offspring of Oprah Winfrey and Donald Trump.
Windows 8. It’s 2014 and your cursor freezes. C’mon man.
Stock brokers (and the brokest ones too).

Professional sports that pass off brain trauma as part of the game.
Saturday deliveries by the U.S. Mail.
Lawnmowers you haven’t started since last November.
Wrath without grapes.
Surgeon General warnings.
Pennies, if I may offer my two-cents worth.

Any large enclosed space with a sign above the door that says “K-Mart.”
Antibiotics for a cold virus.
Four out of five men on a road construction project.
Anti-joules (for you thermodynamics nerds out there).
Token liberals who appear on Fox News.
The token conservative in The New York Times.

Jewish fireflies after sundown on Friday.
Joint checking accounts at The First Bank of Nigeria.
David Spade trying to be less annoying than Hugh Grant.
Google Plus (or Minus).
Craft beer in a plastic cup.
Bob Hope and Frank Zappa in the same headline.

College rape investigations.
Afghanistan (No. 7 on the Failed States Index.)
Right-wing politicians who, once a year, claim they care about the poor.
Non-disabled Social Security disability recipients (0.7% of total).
The United States Senate and House of Representatives.
Every Middle-East “peace” settlement.

Vanna White (hasn’t turned a letter since 1997).
Karaoke and drunk people. For simplicity, let’s just say karaoke.
That said, watered-down drinks.
A dandelion on a windless day.
Clouds with painful raining or weak flow.
USB Barbeque Drives.

Frogs with a lisp.
A tick at a zombie picnic.
Sausage stuffed into plum skins.
Steve Jobs trying to chat up Thomas Edison in heaven.
Yoko Ono for-the-ever.
Link-infested blog posts.