One summer, when I was 8 or 9 years old, a girl was visiting her grandmother just up the street from my house in Western Pennsylvania.  Her name was Ellen.  Her grandmother’s last name might have been Ruskin.  The only things I remember about Ellen are coloring in coloring books on her grandmother’s sun-porch, her sandy-colored hair, and ice-cream or popsicle stains on her T-shirt.  Ellen’s that is.

Ellen: if you remember this and if you care to admit having a bow-legged, pointy-headed playmate down the street, please leave a comment.  I have no agenda in doing this little experiment other than seeing whether the world is as small as they say.  If you, Ellen, granddaughter of kindly Mrs. Ruskin of Clen-Moore Boulevard, happen to Google yourself now and again, you have a moderate chance of finding this little nugget.

Faithful readers of The 100 Billionth Person: if Ellen ever discovers this and comments, you and the rest of the internet will be the first to know.  It will probably be because she searched for “bow-legged pointy-headed kid.”

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• When you hear someone has died of “natural causes,” don’t believe it.  The true cause is unblessed sneezes.  Think how many times you sneeze when no one is around to bless you.  After a while, they add up.

• The parting gesture made by a losing political candidate to his disappointed crowd should henceforth be known as “the wave of the futile.”

• The Inuits supposedly have several different words for snow, reflecting its importance in their culture.  Americans have lone gunman, deranged gunman, heavily-armed gunman, and too many other ways to describe something we shouldn’t need to.

• I have existed on this planet for almost 60 years now.  There is not enough space on this page to list all of the Arab-Israeli wars and conflicts that have taken place since I was born (but you can see the list here).  Middle East peace in my lifetime?  At this pace, doubtful.

• Same-sex marriage is legal in eight states and the District of Columbia.  Over 42 million people reside in these states and enjoy the right (if not all the privileges) to marry the person of their choice.  That is only 13.6% of the U.S. population.  Long road ahead.

• Life is too short to drink yesterday’s coffee.

• First we give our babies thrill-rides by hoisting them way up in the air.  Then we surprise them with games of peek-a-boo.  Then we fool them with stories about Santa Claus and flying reindeer.  Then we make them cry when Frosty the Snowman melts.  No wonder they don’t trust us when they grow up.

• The extent to which “you are your brother’s keeper” is humanity’s essential question.  That each person answers it his own way implies there is no universal answer.  Shall it be, “From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs” (Louis Blanc, 1839, and Karl Marx, 1875) or “He who does not work, neither shall he eat” (2 Thessalonians 3:10)?  Is my “brother” the person related to me, the person next door, the person who lives in my city or country, or the person of another color and culture halfway around the world?  Do I seek him out or wait for him to come to me?  And how much of my time and resources do I offer?  How an individual answers these questions is largely what defines him.

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February 1997: Ellen DeGeneres tells Oprah that she (Ellen) is gay.  Bad career move for Ellen… for a few years.  Now Ellen has a successful afternoon talk show.  Time marches on.

December 2012: Craig H. Collins tells anyone listening that he is… atheist!  Atheist!

Oh me of little faith!

Like Ellen, I must have forgotten to step away from the microphone when I said that.  Did I really mean to reveal this dark secret?  I can’t take it back now!  What have I done?

So I am out.  This, the 200th post of The 100 Billionth Person, is as good a setting as any. And Christmas, America’s most beloved quasi-religious holiday, is just around the corner.  What can I say.

• • •

I resist having any label attached to me, whether it is engineer or liberal or retired or funny. Labels summon up preconceptions in other people’s minds, making it easier for a person to be categorized rather than considered.  The atheist label in particular tends to provoke strong and overriding emotional responses: some people recoil and prepare for counterattack, while others feel pity and pray for the poor soul’s redemption.  But today (for this post anyway) I will accept the label, if only to end any ambiguity.¹

Misconceptions about atheists are widespread, so let me set your mind at ease:

• I am not angry.  I don’t live in despair.  I don’t hate everything you stand for.
• I don’t eat atheist peanut butter and atheist jelly sandwiches for lunch.
• I dont flip coins over to avoid seeing the words “In God We Trust”.
• I don’t melt into a puddle of plasma when I walk into a church.
• I never met Madalyn Murray O’Hair.

Unlike the other angry atheist tracts you have read², I am not going to either defend it or explain it or pick fights with the more-enlightened (the last is especially futile).  But I will cherry-pick a few facts.  A 2008 study ranked various nations by their disbelief in God: 52% of East Germans say they do not believe, compared to 23% of the French, 18% of the British, 9% of Japanese and 3% of Americans.  Scarce as we are, there are twice as many American atheists as American Jews and four times the number of American Muslims.  String up those garlic cloves: we walk among you.

Three out of four Americans profess the same faith as the one in which they were raised, whether Catholic, Protestant, Muslim or Jew.  I was not born an atheist³ but evolved into one through a deliberate process over a number of eons.  In the end, I decided that the universe is either explainable by physics or it is not — I cannot accept the co-existence of physics and magic.  I don’t believe in any type of spirit, extra-sensory communications, prayers, vibrations (good or bad), superstition or luck.  Coincidences are only that.  And I cringe when someone says, “it was meant to be,” because it implies that some “meaning” permeates the cosmos.  “Meaning” is a mental construct that entirely depends on who is doing the constructing.

But don’t I find the lack of meaning depressing?  (As if avoiding depression would justify my believing something that isn’t there.)  No, but it would depress me if it were true that people cannot be moral without believing in some supernatural being.  Although 57% of Americans subscribe to this notion, I am not depressed, since I know by counterexample that it simply isn’t so.

Defenders of the faith like to point out that scientists don’t know everything, that scientists disagree with each other, and that scientists change their minds whenever some new bit of evidence destroys the old paradigm.  OK, guilty as charged.  They also say that whatever scientists claim to know are simply “theories” — i.e., provisional truths, not absolute ones.  Faithsayers see this as demonstrating the fragility and unreliability of science, but this is its very strength: scientists make falsifiable statements and challenge others to falsify them, whereas institutions of faith make unfalsifiable statements and often threaten those who do not accept them.  You know where I stand.

One thing I do have in common with religious people is that I think the world would be a better place if more people agreed with me.  The religious feel the same way.

• • •

So Merry Christmas and Happy Kwanzaa to you all.  May you enjoy the holidays as much as I will.  If you like, you can return the sentiments on March 20, General Relativity Day.  (March 20, 1916, is the day Einstein’s masterwork, “The Foundations of the General Theory of Relativity,” was published in Annalen der Physik.)  That is probably the closest thing to Atheist Christmas there is, other than the one we are all about to celebrate.

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¹ For my family, this is yesterday’s news — though I was surprised when my wife recently told me that she thought I was agnostic, not atheist.  When I showed her the Registered Atheist ID card that the county requires me to carry whenever I am within 1000 feet of a Baptist church, she was convinced.
² I am being sarcastic, of course.  But the underlying point is real enough.  In a christianpost.com blog titled “Would You Want an Atheist for a Neighbor?”, the writer was not being sarcastic at all when he lamented “the frenetic and uninformed screeds that atheists purchase and read by the truckload.”  Yes, all my neighbors are getting tired of seeing the UPS truck roll into my driveway, delivering more of those atheist screeds.  I wouldn’t want to be my neighbor either.
³ Actually, aren’t we all born that way?
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