In what may ultimately be regarded as his greatest act of arrogance, President Obama today announced that he has changed the name of the 25th President of The United States from William McKinley to William Big Mountain Denali.
“I can think of no better tribute to Native American tribes of Alaska than to name one of our Republican Presidents after the tallest peak in the Western Hemisphere,” Obama said to a select gathering of Young American Geologists. “As you all know, Denali means The Great One to Native Alaskans. And President McKinley — that is, President Denali — was one of the greatest Republican Presidents of the last decade of the 19th Century. So it is only fitting.”
“President Denali will never be forgotten,” Obama continued. “He will always be known for being named after this majestic mountain. And for being the most famous person to have hailed from Ohio, after LeBron James and Drew Carey. And sadly, for having been assassinated, but that took place when he was known as President McKinley. If only we could rewrite history.”
President William Big Mountain Denali was born in Niles, Ohio, in 1843. He was the seventh child of William Eagle Feather Denali of the Cleveland Indian tribe and Mary Margaret “Missy” McKinley, who lived down by an old mill stream, where he first met her. An underpaid Ohio county clerk would mistakenly record Baby Denali’s surname as McKinley, thus setting in motion a century-and-a-half of confusion and contention among mountain-climbers, Native Americans, politicians and bored-but-wealthy interest groups.
As McKinley, President Denali held office for four years and six months, from 1897-1901. Ironically, it was during the Denali Administration that the Five Civilized Tribes lost the last vestiges of autonomy, starting with the Choctaws and Chickasaws in 1897, followed by the Seminoles in 1898 and the Creeks in 1901. (The Cherokees held out until 1902.)
Obama’s move brought protests from circles claiming that the moniker The Great One rightfully belongs to ballplayer and humanitarian Roberto Clemente, or to hockey star Wayne Gretzky, or to full-figured entertainer Jackie Gleason, but not to a mountain or a 19th-century Republican President. Some were plainly dismissive. “I have nothing against McKinley or Denali, whoever that schmuck is, who cares?” bellowed 2016 Republican primary candidate Donald Trump at a recent event. “This Denali, I don’t care if he’s from UniVision or IndianVision, he knows who the Great One is. And he’s going to vote for me.”
“I can think of no better tribute to Native American tribes of Alaska than to name one of our Republican Presidents after the tallest peak in the Western Hemisphere,” Obama said to a select gathering of Young American Geologists. “As you all know, Denali means The Great One to Native Alaskans. And President McKinley — that is, President Denali — was one of the greatest Republican Presidents of the last decade of the 19th Century. So it is only fitting.”
“President Denali will never be forgotten,” Obama continued. “He will always be known for being named after this majestic mountain. And for being the most famous person to have hailed from Ohio, after LeBron James and Drew Carey. And sadly, for having been assassinated, but that took place when he was known as President McKinley. If only we could rewrite history.”
President William Big Mountain Denali was born in Niles, Ohio, in 1843. He was the seventh child of William Eagle Feather Denali of the Cleveland Indian tribe and Mary Margaret “Missy” McKinley, who lived down by an old mill stream, where he first met her. An underpaid Ohio county clerk would mistakenly record Baby Denali’s surname as McKinley, thus setting in motion a century-and-a-half of confusion and contention among mountain-climbers, Native Americans, politicians and bored-but-wealthy interest groups.
As McKinley, President Denali held office for four years and six months, from 1897-1901. Ironically, it was during the Denali Administration that the Five Civilized Tribes lost the last vestiges of autonomy, starting with the Choctaws and Chickasaws in 1897, followed by the Seminoles in 1898 and the Creeks in 1901. (The Cherokees held out until 1902.)
Obama’s move brought protests from circles claiming that the moniker The Great One rightfully belongs to ballplayer and humanitarian Roberto Clemente, or to hockey star Wayne Gretzky, or to full-figured entertainer Jackie Gleason, but not to a mountain or a 19th-century Republican President. Some were plainly dismissive. “I have nothing against McKinley or Denali, whoever that schmuck is, who cares?” bellowed 2016 Republican primary candidate Donald Trump at a recent event. “This Denali, I don’t care if he’s from UniVision or IndianVision, he knows who the Great One is. And he’s going to vote for me.”