For whatever reason (actually, I know the reason — it’s called Hollandaise), my favorite breakfast out is Eggs Benedict, assuming it doesn’t stray far from the classic recipe.

Which begs the question: what exactly is Eggs Benedict?  There are as many variations on the dish as there are cover versions of “Imagine” — probably more.  But the essentials are: a fluffy pair of poached eggs carefully ladled onto a slice of ham (typically Canadian bacon) blanketing an English muffin, with the entirety treated to a spoon-bath of Hollandaise.

In other words, a dish that emerges from a visit to the day spa.

You can find any number of accounts how Eggs Benedict got its name and recipe (here is one of them) but that’s not important right now.  What really distinguishes Eggs Benedict from other offerings on the breakfast/brunch menu is how damn expensive it is.

Typically, Eggs Benedict costs at least twice as much as the basic two-eggs-your-way plus toast, bacon and home fries.  I assume this is because Hollandaise sauce isn’t something that Jake the Short-Order Cook can scrape off a griddle like every other item — not to say that some overambitious truck-stop hasn’t tried it.

Upscale restaurants treat Eggs Benedict as an especially profitable offering: the chef may add spinach, salmon, crab, lobster or caviar to justify a loftier price.  I could easily see the one-star La Jardinier in Houston offering an Eggs Benedict with Moon Rock Truffle for some obscene three-digit figure, assuming they were able to source some lunar dust from the NASA space center nearby. It would be a first in space-to-table cuisine.

In real life, La Jardinier’s current menu features pork-belly Benedict, Mornay sauce, roasted squash and brioche for a sky-high $48.  That’s child’s-play pricing for a Michelin-star establishment.

It goes to show, you can find something called Eggs Benedict for just about whatever you want to pay.  Here is my survey of current Eggs Benedict prices, local and national, from low to high…

The lowest price I’ve found is at the Cafe Papillon in Miami, where the nondescript No. 57 costs only $9.99.  I’m not vouching for it, but you can’t beat the price.  Cafe Papillon might well be that over-ambitious, griddle-scraping diner I referred to earlier, but who knows?

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“The Local Joint” in Fairview, North Carolina, 10 miles downwind of Asheville, offers an attractively-priced Eggs Benedict for $11 — though, by appearances, their home fries have a good deal more “fried” in them than “home.”

Inching up the price-point, our local IHOP has “Classic Eggs Benedict” (Black Forest ham, poached eggs and Hollandaise on an English muffin) for $11.99.  Predictably, it rates only a few points above Denny’s as one of the worst versions of the dish.  I hop away!

The popular retro Asheville diner, 5 Points Restaurant, does a traditional Eggs Benedict (two poached eggs, Canadian Bacon, English muffin and Hollandaise) for $12.45.  Here’s a photo by a Yelp patron, apparently after a paprika thunderstorm passed through:

I haven’t sampled the 5 Points Eggs Benedict but the reviews are good.  I’d consider trying them if my spouse didn’t already make great breakfasts at the drop of a hint.

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If you’re willing to part with 9 pesos more ($12.99), you can try “Mexican Eggs Benedict” at Abuela’s Little Kitchen a few miles south of Asheville.  They call their plate “Mexican” because they spread avocado on the muffin, add chipotle to the Hollandaise, and toss in a few jalapenos for good measure.  Abuela’s gets good reviews, but chipotle Hollandaise?

The Beach Mountain Diner in Waynesville, 30 miles west of Asheville, offers what it calls “Traditional Eggs Benedict” for $13.99.  For that extra dollar, they promise “a perfectly poached egg on a grilled English muffin” plus the usual sides.  If their idea of “traditional” consists of one lonely egg, perfectly-poached though it may be, then excuse me.

Entering the field at $16 is the “Stoney Knob Benny” from Stoney Knob Cafe north of Asheville.  This Benedict embraces ingredient fluidity: crab cakes supplant the muffins, ham and bacon. I’d rather have the basics, please, but that’s what happens when the chef gets cute and calls it Benny.

Beradu Market and Restaurant in Black Mountain, NC,  occupies the $16.99 price-point with a rather ordinary-sounding Benedict: “English Muffin, Thick Cut Nueske’s Canadian Bacon, Poached Eggs, and House Made Hollandaise. Served with choice of Hash Brown Casserole, Home Fries, Grits, or Fresh Fruit.”  The bacon gets good press so maybe that how the Floridian owners hope to attract tourists-slash-diners.

Tall John’s of Asheville wastes little ink describing its Eggs Benedict: “Poached Eggs, English Muffin, Bacon, Hollandaise.”  $17.  To reassure its patrons, I think Tall John’s should have added, “Plate.“

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Our favorite dining room in Asheville — pre-Helene — was Red Stag Grill at the Grand Bohemian Lodge.  We don’t eat there much anymore (or anywhere, actually) and have never had brunch there.  But for $18, you may revel in Red Stag’s Benedict: Mornay creamed spinach, Canadian bacon, Hollandaise and Red Stag Potatoes, while sitting beneath stags’ skulls (see image) which makes every morsel all the more exquisite.

But I sense we’re wasting time here — we have yet to cite an Eggs Benedict price that even approaches that of La Jardinier.  It’s time to get real, as in real-real-expensive.

For that, we head to Dupont Circle in Washington, D.C., where The Pembroke describes itself thus:  “The Pembroke’s stunning design by Martin Brudnizki features plush velvet coral-toned banquettes around glossy marble tables, cream-paneled walls with playful artwork, and boasts panoramic views of the neighborhood, while a seasonal terrace offers al fresco dining from spring to fall.”

Given that frothy self-promotion, what would you guess The Pembroke charges for its Maryland Chesapeake Crab Benedict?  $25?  $35?  The answer is…

Yet another mention of spinach Mornay!  Remind me to visit Mornay in my next life to taste their spinach, as it appears to be an important part of a complete (ritzy) breakfast.

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It’s time go really big here… $40 may be four times the Cafe Papillon price, but it’s still Trump Change.  The most expensive Eggs Benedict I found — edging out La Jardinier’s pork-belly pomposity — is from the original “home” of Eggs Benedict, Delmonico’s in New York City.  Delmonico’s version, which consists of one duck egg plus king crab and  lobster terrine, rings up at $59 (or $99 with caviar, and of course you want the caviar).

Though I found many expensive brunches ($100-$200 a person!) in which Eggs Benedict was a featured item, the dish was not priced a la carte — that made it hard for me to gauge how much one could be gouged in the name of Hollandaise.