I had this idea a while back, after a chat with my spouse about how we’re lucky neither of us like x, that each of us should make a list of five things that we both like and both dislike, without consulting each other, sort of like a five-decades-together retro-compatibility quiz. And then, just to make things interesting, we would compare our lists and publish them on the blog.
Sue added that, besides naming things that we both like and both dislike, we should each list things that “I like but I wished you liked.” I agreed that this would be an enhancement to the project, but not without some risk.
So here we go. I have interleaved our answers, Sue’s in blue, mine in yellow. The order is not important — I arranged our lists so that similar answers appear next to one other.
THINGS WE BOTH LIKE
| S • Art. Going to museums, art events, music. |
| C • Paintings. Especially portraits by the “Old Masters.” |
| S • Restaurants — leisurely meals at familiar, favorite restaurants. Plus dancing. |
| C • Romantic dinners. The food, the company, the excuse to get dressed up. |
| S • Affection of any kind. |
| C • Kind People. “Never a good reason not to be kind.” |
| S • Making one another laugh throughout the day. You’re funny, quick and witty. |
| C • The Price is Right — mindless together-time with low-stakes competition. |
| S • Being with family — wish we lived closer. |
| C • Strong coffee. And iced tea for that matter. |
THINGS WE BOTH DISLIKE
| S • Camping of any kind. Campfires just get smoke in your hair and there’s never any comfortable seating. |
| C • Boating and camping. Boating because of the wind and earaches, camping because of the dirt and bugs. |
| S • Boats and boating. A big expense with little reward. Good for sunburns. |
| C • Big risks, things out-of-control. We like to run a pretty tight ship. |
| S • Inside pets of any kind — except our canary, Piper. |
| C • Situation comedies, post-M*A*S*H and Newhart. All the Hollywood stupidity and adolescent double entendres. |
| S • Barking dogs. I don’t own a dog and don’t want to hear anyone else’s. |
| C • Organized religion — wasn’t so at the outset, but we both eventually got there. |
| S • Boring, entitled people who do not listen or mutually engage in conversation. |
| C • Right-wing blowhards, mostly because they are so often unkind. |
THINGS I LIKE THAT I WISH YOU LIKED
| S • Driving the Z4 with the top down. Always a pleasure, any time it’s 45 degrees outside or higher. |
| C • Board games and cards — a way to socialize without having to fuss over food. |
| S • My driving. I love going through the gears. |
| C • The Simpsons — they’re not as outrageous as you think! |
| S • Onions. I want to put them in everything. |
| C • Dedicated shelves for categories of things in the refrigerator. |
| S • Fiction, so we could discuss. |
| C • Jazz (or any improvisational music). |
| S • Selecting and sending greeting cards. I’m lucky to get you to sign them. |
| C • Finances — it would be nice to have a co-decision-maker. |
FINAL REFLECTIONS
Sue: I think it’s amazing how well we know one another. I can understand why people get divorced, because I feel so strongly about many of these things. We try to endorse what each other likes in a positive way, and we enjoy making one another happy. If Craig was a dog person, which he is not, I suppose we could have a large lot so he could keep the dog far away with me. But I don’t think there is any circumstance I would want to go camping with Craig.
Craig: Surprisingly, neither of us mentioned liberal politics as a “things we both like” item. Yet I can’t imagine living with a Trump/Fox News person — a category that didn’t exist fifty years ago. (For that matter, I didn’t see myself as liberal fifty years ago.) I would adjust if Sue wanted to pursue spiritual interests, but it would be different if it led to us living separate lives with divergent values. Our relationship was based on, from the very beginning, individuality and togetherness respected and nurtured, but also shared.
The final section of this exercise begged the question, what if anything do we plan to do about the “I wish you liked” items? Answer: We accommodate. I may yet get Sue to watch The Simpsons. She may yet get me to read her latest read. Neither is out of the question. Even if not, we still got a lot.
Glad you found one another. You’re like two peas in a pod and isn’t it grand going through life with a like-minded friend! Enjoy the journey.
Entertaining and enjoyable to read. This could be an entrance exam for marrieds-to-be.
You passed, by the way.
I really enjoyed this. You two have some serious simpaticomplementarity going on.
I love this in a million ways! Thank you for sharing and being so open about some of the structures of your very successful, respectful, thoughtful, wise and just beautiful partnership. I’m truly proud and grateful to know you and to get to benefit from the warmth of your dynamic in person from time to time.
And by the way, your mantra to use any opportunity to be kind is something many more people should adopt!
The kindness mantra was Sue’s, which I borrowed!
One of the most outstanding dynamic between you two is that you both freely express your opinions, and when your opinions differ, neither one of you insists on being right . THIS IS A TRUE RARITY Not only that, when the divergent discussion is over, you both move on without resentment or judgement. what a wonderful world you live in!