In spite of what my title suggests, this post is not another tired whine about how ZEN is not a valid Scrabble word even though JEEP is.  (ZEN is a proper noun, hence unplayable, whereas JEEP… well, you figure that out.)  Instead, this post presents an assortment of should-be-words, complete with definitions, that have popped up in my seven-letter tray during Scrabble games.  I encourage fellow Scrabblers to try playing these words against friendly opponents, especially after a second bottle of wine has been opened — who knows, these words sound so good they just might go unchallenged.

All of these come directly from my letter tray to you:

POTIFTO (n): a tuberous vegetable unsure of whether it is a yam or a sweet potato

EARKITE (n): Barack Obama on a parasail

EFFOTEL (n): worst hotel you ever stayed in

ITOILET (n): the last place a person drops her iPhone before buying a new one

AOUEIII (int): universal bungee-jumping cry

TOETURE (n): the act of tickling a person’s pedal extremities to make them talk

RETOPIA (n): an idyllic place where enlightened Buddhists live their second lives

PREGOLD (adj): pertaining to the year prior to becoming eligible for Medicare

RAMENZA (n): drug approved in 2003 for treating allergic reactions to Japanese noodles

BEGTIME (n): the several-minutes-long period when one’s child, after being tucked in for the night, pleads for one more story to be read

TRAMPUI (n): honey-flavored liqueur favored by hobos

RAILODE (n): boxcar-themed poetry favored by hobos

SHPUZKA (n): loose outergarment worn in anticipation of drama, as in, “You cad!  I’ve never been so insulted!  Waiter, bring me my shpuzka and get me a taxi!”

QINEDAY (n): day of the week (in the European Union, between Monday and Tuesday) when U need not follow Q

ASSIBOU (n): the rude offspring of a donkey and a reindeer