There are few people in the world who are not aware of this year’s total eclipse, as it affects not only the United States but nearly every square inch of the planet. For those who have not yet been informed — this would include Fox News viewers — I offer a brief rundown.
The phenomenon at hand is unlike any other eclipse most of us have experienced. There are lunar eclipses, which take place when the moon passes through the Earth’s shadow, and there are solar eclipses, which occur when the moon passes between us and the sun. This eclipse, however, is caused by a massive body whose hovering presence over Earth casts a planet-wide shadow — the astronomers I know call it The Total Eclipse of Trump.*
The Total Eclipse of Trump started in November 2016. Astronomers cannot predict when it will end. Its path of totality over the face of the Earth is shown in the illustration below:
Unlike lunar and solar eclipses, the Trump shadow traverses the surface of the planet several times a week. Its path of totality — the locations where one’s sense of reality is completely obliterated — wanders from day to day, according to well-known laws of physics and the unknown whims of Trump.
As shown in the illustration above, the Trump shadow touches every continent and almost every land mass, save for the islands of Madagascar (off the coast of Africa) and Svalbard (in the Arctic Circle, north of Norway). And even those remote isles are now threatened by sea ice and rising tides, thanks to the Eclipse.
The Total Eclipse of Trump has not only darkened our skies (and everything else), it has redefined normalcy. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services says that the Eclipse will improve our health, once it causes the health insurance system to implode. The U.S. Department of the Interior threatens harm to the economy of any state whose Senator strays from the shadow of the Eclipse. And the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency says… well, it no longer says (or protects) anything.
How best to view the Eclipse? As a hopefully-momentary aberration in the human project to become more humane. Astronomers suggest that you try to ignore the Eclipse, go about your lives, and treat one other as if its oppressive shadow did not exist. Most importantly, people should avoid staring at the Eclipse. The Total Eclipse of Trump draws its energy from the spectacle it creates — the more we watch, the longer it persists. Those who look at the Eclipse with uncritical eyes are in danger of becoming blinded to it.
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We sat on the back deck, enjoying our morning covfefe, and both of us were cracking up as we read this.