After all the recent commotion about Hillary’s private internet server, located in her house no less, it made me wish I had a private server in my house.  I would say to him, “Oh Cecil, please serve me another sidecar, light on the lemon juice this time, have to nurse my ulcer, you know.”  Cecil would look at me and say, “Sir, I am not your server.  That machine over there is your server.  So get your own sidecar.  I am just a figment of your imagination.”

I would then glance sadly toward the nondescript black tower under my desk, with its blue circular power indicator and constantly running fan, and I would know in my heart that it will never get up off its ass and make me a sidecar.  Why I ever named it Cecil, only my empty glass and imaginary ulcer knows.

That brings me back to Hillary’s private email account.  The news reports got me worried.  Did she ever email me anything?  Will I be be the next Liberal Louie to be subpoenaed by the House Committee on Things We Want to Rub Democrat Faces Into?  Will the Feds come to my house and confiscate my computer, my email and my blog, looking for all the cheap shots I took at Republicans?  Will they find my secret little Photoshop mashup of Michelle Bachmann’s head pasted onto Alien’s body?

Just to be safe, I checked my own server to make sure that Hillary had never mailed me anything from her private account.  But — sigh —  there it was.  Now I have to publish it, for the sake of transparency, and to save my own ass.  Here you go, Republicans.

Dear Craig:

Thank you for your interest in my campaign.  I am not
running for anything right now, nor am I running from 
anything.  But maybe we can join forces someday, if
you are the kind of man I think you are -- an honest,
strong-willed, muscular liberal with a big checkbook and
a free-flowing pen.  Give me a little time and you will
be able to put that signature where it counts.  You know
you can always get behind me.

Love to All Humanity, HRC

Sent from my private email account clintonemail.com

What can I say?  And how can I explain this blog post to my wife?  I Better Call Saul.