New York Times, January 14, 2015:  “Tommy Caldwell and Kevin Jorgeson, both now bearded, reached the summit of El Capitan’s Dawn Wall on Wednesday, completing a quest that included years of planning and that many considered the most challenging rock climb in the world.”  Could I care less?  Please, someone give these poor people a shave.

The Reporter, January 12, 2015: “The former head of sailing’s governing body has filed complaints of gross misconduct against the five members of an international jury that handed down the harshest penalties in America’s Cup history.  The action comes weeks after the Court of Arbitration for Sport reduced sailor Dirk de Ridder’s suspension from sanctioned events from three years to 18 months. De Ridder was banned from the 34th America’s Cup in September 2013 and Oracle Team USA was docked two points in a scandal involving manipulation of the weight distribution of boats that Oracle sailed in warmup regattas.”  Could I care less?  If I knew what the point was, I’d dock them two.

The Japan News, January 9, 2015: “A metal screw was found in a bento meal box made by restaurant operator Watami Co.’s food delivery service arm, it was learned Thursday.  The meal box was produced at Watami Takushoku Co.’s plant in Yamaguchi Prefecture on Oct. 29 last year and delivered to a customer the following day.”  Could I care less?  Only if the customer ate the screw, thinking it was a delicacy from a harpooned whale.

The Telegraph, January 10, 2015:  ” ‘If I’d known David Attenborough 40 years ago,’ Cameron Diaz rather startlingly confessed to me last year, ‘he might have been the one man to tame me.’  As it turned out, it was Benji Madden – a diminutive, tattooed, shaven-headed rocker with more paunch than one of Attenborough’s quirkiest marsupials – who was finally able to make that claim.  After an eight-month long romance, the unlikely pair wed last Monday under a Chinese lantern-lit marquee in Diaz’s Beverly Hills back garden.”  Could I care less?  Only if I were lucky enough to be David Attenborough.

The Citizen-Times, Asheville, January 8, 2015:  “With the opening of Chipotle on Hendersonville Road, there’s an awful lot of chatter about whether eating there is worth the wait.  We decided to weigh — literally — Chipotle’s burritos along with seven other similar offerings.  Each burrito restaurant we checked out had to meet the following criteria: they had to offer carryout burritos, the kind of thing you get in a paper sack with a fistful of chips.  Each restaurant had to offer a basic chicken burrito, the second-most ordered item on Chipotle’s menu, after the Chicken Burrito Bowl.  And they all had to be open on Jan. 2.  Sadly, that disqualified Grey Eagle Taqueria; the floor was being waxed and restaurant was closed on burrito judgment day.”  Could I care less?  I’m not sure I could care less than this reviewer, who seems to think the quality of the food doesn’t matter if the restaurant is closed when she shows up.

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This is the heartwarming story about two grade-school summer playmates, a small-town boy and a big-city girl, who were apart more than fifty years but rediscovered each other, shared their experiences and renewed their simple friendship in their golden years.

No it isn’t.  It’s a story about a man in his early 60s who let curiosity get the better of him, so he decided to spend more than a few hours at his computer to ferret out whatever became of Ellen.

Ah yes, Ellen.  My extraordinarily faithful readers may remember my earlier post about Ellen two years ago.  Here is how I introduced her then:

One summer, when I was 8 or 9 years old, a girl was visiting her grandmother just up the street from my house in Western Pennsylvania.  Her name was Ellen.  Her grandmother’s last name might have been Ruskin.  The only things I recall about Ellen are coloring in coloring books on her grandmother’s side porch, her sandy-colored hair, and the ice-cream or popsicle stains on her T-shirt.

At the time, I thought that the name Ruskin in my post — along with some curiosity and search engine magic — might eventually draw Ellen’s attention to my blog, but it was not to be.  I had nearly forgotten about Ellen until a few weeks ago when I took a nostalgic Google Street View trip through the neighborhood where I grew up.  I viewed my house first, of course, and then I made my way up the street where Ellen’s grandmother once lived.  And there it was, the brick house with the side porch — except that I remembered it as a sun room with knee-to-ceiling windows.

Ellen's Grandmother's House (Google Street View)
For some reason, it had never occurred to me to find out the number of this house on Moreland Blvd. and do a search for anyone who may have lived there.  This turned out to be the key to unlocking the puzzle of Ellen.

Note: In this story, I use actual first names but fictional last names.  I also use fictional street names and generic place names.  I do this so no one else can make use of this post for their own research.

My search for 211 Moreland Blvd. led me to several hometown newspaper articles from the 1950s and 1960s mentioning Morris and/or Sylvia Ruskin.  [Ruskin is similar to but was not their last name.]  Morris owned a jewelry store bearing his family name, and he often ran classified ads in the local paper.  He sold his business and retired in the early 1950s.  Morris passed away in the mid-1960s at age 77, leaving his wife Sylvia, his daughter Joyce, born in 1927, and his son Edward, born in 1933.  Morris’s obituary also mentioned two grandchildren, but not by name.

Sylvia passed away in 1973 at age 75.  (By then, she had moved to an apartment building where, by coincidence, my own children’s grandmother lived for many years.)  So it was Sylvia who was keeping an eye on her granddaughter and her playmate that summer day in 1961, and who served us treats on her porch as we colored away.  Sylvia’s obituary mentioned Joyce and Edward but again the two grandchildren were not named.

If Sylvia was Ellen’s grandmother, then who raised Ellen?  Was she Edward’s daughter or Joyce’s?  Ellen was about my age, meaning she would have been born between 1952 and 1954.  In 1953, Edward would have been 20 and Joyce 26.  But Edward was still a student at the state university in 1953, according to the college newspaper.  So it was more likely that Joyce was Ellen’s mother.

This conclusion was borne out when I found Edward Ruskin’s obituary.  He passed away in 1976, only 43 years old.  His obituary said that his only survivor was his sister, Joyce Hoffman of Long Island.  This meant I could turn my attention to Joyce.

In August 1947, the social page of the local newspaper announced that Joyce Ruskin and Joseph Hoffman, son of Albert and Ruth Hoffman, had married and were planning to reside in New York City.  In August 1950, the same paper published an announcement that Joyce and Joseph, now living on Long Island, had given birth to a son, whose name was not provided.  He would have been one of Morris and Sylvia Ruskin’s two grandchildren.

I failed to find any kind of record verifying that Ellen is Joyce’s second child.  But there is a good deal of supporting evidence.  One important piece is a legal decision involving the estate of Joseph Hoffman, who died in 1972 at the age of 46.  It notes that his children Paul and Ellen were 22 and 18 at the time of his death, and it also mentions his mother Ruth.  All of this fits the narrative, but the decision refers to his widow as Florence, not Joyce.  My guess is that Joseph and Joyce divorced some years before Joseph’s death.

My ensuing searches for Ellen Hoffman gave me an outline of her adult life.  Ellen married Edward Tisch in December 1974.  Their daughter Sarah was born in 1978.  At some point, Ellen moved to Indiana, and Ellen and Edward divorced.  In 1986, Ellen Tisch married Mark Mayer.  They divorced in 1988 and Ellen reverted to her birth surname, Hoffman.  Ellen Hoffman married Robert Harnick in April 2003.  Robert passed away in 2008 at the age of 56.  From what I can tell, Ellen has not married again.  She is about 61 years old.

Ellen does not have a social media presence, at least not one that she shares with the public.  But her daughter Sarah does.  She posted this photo of Ellen (seated at right) on her old MySpace site.  I have to admit, Ellen does look familiar.  I didn’t think I would recognize her without the popsicle stains on her T-shirt.

I don’t know Ellen’s occupation, but I do know that she is — or was — a songwriter and singer (a video of her performing one of her songs is posted on YouTube).  Ellen used a stage name derived from her first and middle names.  I have not found any references to performances by Ellen beyond 2011, so I’m not sure she is still playing.  It may be that she has enough on her plate, looking after her mother Joyce (who now lives in the same Indiana city) and being a grandmother to Sarah’s three-year-old son.

 •  •  •  •  •

Without going out of my door, and without having paid for information, I am about 98% confident that I could now phone Ellen, or send her a message on Facebook, or drive to her house, knock on her front door and reintroduce myself.  But I am not going to do that.

First, there would be no point.  Ellen and I were playmates for a few days one summer.  This is the not the kind of experience that justifies insinuating yourself into another person’s life, no matter how much curiosity is involved.

Second, my very research created a gross asymmetry in knowledge.  While Ellen could have scouted me as easily as I did her, it would be incredible to think she has done so, even if she had, by some unlikely misfortune, retained a similar vague memory of me.  Friendships do not develop from one person having such advantage over the other.

Finally, there is the creepiness factor.  Imagine how you would react if a person you do not know or remember called you on the phone, claimed to have known you from childhood, and then proceeded to recite assorted details of your life that you figured only your family and the government knew.  I would suspect I was either being stalked or that my identity had been stolen.  Even if the story sounded convincing, I still might change my number, cancel my credit cards or contact the police.  I would probably feel violated.

I hadn’t set out to be creepy.  For me, it was about the challenge of solving a puzzle, of seeing how far I could go on such small fragments of my memory.  I did solve my mystery, so good for me I suppose.  But at the same time, it is unsettling to see how much personal data is out there waiting to be collected, and how easy it is to gather via sites like MooseRoots, Mocavo, Yasni and many others, all of which are delivered free to our doorsteps by our friends at Google.

The irony of this endeavor is that in the end, in spite of all the facts I found, I really know nothing about Ellen at all.

 •  •  •  •  •

CRITO:  Yes, indeed, Socrates… But did you carry the search any further, and did you find that which you were seeking?
SOCRATES:  Find! my dear sir, no indeed.  And we cut a poor figure; we were like children after larks, always on the point of catching that which was always getting away from us.  But why should I repeat the whole story?  At last we enquired whether that gave and caused happiness, and then we got into a labyrinth, and when we thought we were at the end, we came out again at the beginning, having still to seek as much as ever.
 — excerpt from Euthydemus by Plato, 380 BC

 •  •  •  •  •

I have deleted all the links and files related to the search.  This blog post is all that remains of my finding Ellen.

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• I once had a one-man band, but I split up due to creative differences.

• In theory, it is the center of the electorate who should sway the outcome of elections, just as Anthony Kennedy often has the final say on Supreme Court decisions.  But it is not that way in practice.  Of the 435 races for the U.S. House of Representatives in 2014, only 10 were decided by a margin of 2% or less.  The winner had 80% or more of the vote in 35 of the races, and the seat was uncontested in 32 others.  You would think voters in the center would be outraged at such imbalances — but if they were, they would no longer be in the center, would they?

• It stands to reason and it sits down to argue.

• Some may recall the post on regrets I wrote a while ago.  It dealt with my inability to let go of mistakes I made and stupid things I did in the past.  I have recently come to terms with at least part of my regret.  Because I entered grade school early, I was almost a year younger than my junior high and high school classmates.  So, many of the things I did to embarass myself in front of them had to do with the fact that I was younger and more immature than they were.  And I still am.

• The U.S. Postal Service recently honored NBA basketball star Wilt Chamberlain on a postage stamp.  The late Mr. Chamberlain was best known for being the only man to score 100 points in a basketball game and for claiming to have had sex with 20,000 women.  He endorsed Richard Nixon for President.  He had an 18-karat gold-lined triangular bathtub.  I have never been a big basketball fan.

• The evolutionary purpose of the round cheeks on our faces is to prolong the time that our tears carry their emotional signals to our lovers and friends.

• Dear CIA.  I know you’re reading this, so just to let you know: if you ever want me to confess, you don’t need to waterboard me.  Just make me watch Fox News, Dr. Phil and Good Morning America over and over until I can’t stand it anymore.  It should only take a few hours.  But I should warn you: John McCain is right — I will be so empty-headed after such torture that whatever I tell you will be worthless.

• I have always wanted to write a post that reveals a lot of the words I crossed-out, so my readers can see what I was really thinking before I edited it.

• If there’s one good thing about getting a cold, it’s being able to reach those low registers and say “Hello Baby” to your woman in your best Barry White imitation.  Guys, you gotta try it sometime.  You might want to catch a cold more often.

One-third of the earth’s population identifies as Christian.  Almost one-quarter are Muslim, one-fifth are Hindu or Buddhist, one-sixth are unaffiliated   All of us believe that what we believe is true.  We all can’t be right of course, yet we irrationally conclude that the rest of the world — the vast majority — is wrong.  The plain truth is, to avoid cognitive dissonance, we humans harden our beliefs, then we seek to live among those who think as we do, and then we finally and relentlessly stamp out dissent among our ranks.  This is why Rush Limbaugh, The Man Who Made America Hate, is the fine example of humanity that he is.

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