Category Archives: Humour

The kissing part is left up to you.

[Note: I originally posted this in early 2013, but it remains one of my spouse’s favorites, so who am I to judge, as the recently-departed Francis said.  Unlike the Catholic Church, I promise not to make a habit (ha-ha) of recycling my old material.]

This announcement may come as a surprise, or it may come as a thief in the night, but either way, I also have decided to step down as Pope.  I bet you didn’t know there was an Atheist Pope.  Well, now you do.  The only difference is, we call ours The Nope.

I was elected The Nope seven years ago by some cardinals that landed on our bird feeder.  They thought it was a miracle how this wooden box with a perch was always full of seed, enough to feed every bird for miles around, day after day.  So the cardinals met in secret and decided that I should keep feeding them, forever.  They let the rest of the bird world know their decision by leaving some white drops on my chimney.

I made the most of my tenure as The Nope.  I enjoyed the company of presidents and kings, and when I no longer enjoyed their company, I would just ask my wife to turn off the news.  That’s right, I have a wife.  You are allowed to have one when you are the Atheist Pope.  I think you are allowed to have three if you are the Mormon Pope, but I am not infallible on that.

I am stepping down as The Nope to spend more time with family and maybe travel a little.  I’d like to see Rome, for example, without being perched up on this balcony.  I keep saying, perches are for cardinals.  Anyway, arrivederci, everyone.  And so long to the bubble car!  I want one of those new Corvettes.  In red, of course.

Something very curious is going on around here and it’s making me want to wander outside and capture something.  Check it out:

Ingles Supermarket, Asheville NC, January 9, 2025

Walmart Supercenter, Weaverville NC, January 23, 2025