Category Archives: News and Comment


Donald J. Trump, Caretaker.  This isn’t really his job.  He’s just living in that mansion for a while until the real president returns.  But while we wait for that day, The Caretaker grows steadily madder.  We watch with horror as he falls prey to the same evil forces he invented and pulls the rest of his world into his twisted unreality.

Delbert Grady:  Mr. Mueller has a very great talent. I don’t think you are aware how great it is. That he is attempting to use that very talent against your will.

Donald J. Trump: He is a very willful boy.

Delbert Grady:  Indeed he is, Mr. Trump. A very willful boy. A rather naughty boy, if I may be so bold, sir.

Donald J. Trump:  But my attorney-general.  He, uh, interferes.

Delbert Grady:  Perhaps they need a good talking to, if you don’t mind my saying so. When my wife tried to prevent me from doing my duty, I “corrected” her.

Donald J. Trump, Caretaker.  He’s always been the Caretaker, wielding his axe, obsessed with keeping his mad promises to “correct” things that need to be “corrected.”

Stephen King, please write a happy ending to this ongoing horror novel.

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From what I read on the intertweet-o-telesphere, politcal-satire show host Samantha Bee referred to Ivanka Trump using the c-word.  I’m not going to spell it, because I object to the word and what it stands for.  I am not an Ivanka Trump fan, but neither she or anyone other woman deserves to (or should) be called the female equivalent of the n-word.  That’s my red line.

I have been recording Samantha Bee’s shows on the DVR, and I watch one once in a while. Samantha Bee is no Jon Stewart in terms of satire or subtlety.  Although I do not frequent comedy clubs, I understand that outrageous language is the norm there.  Samantha Bee’s crude name-calling may get a shock-laugh in some sleazo comedy club but it was not right on her cable-television show and it would not even have been right if the two of us were having a private lunch together in a diner.

So I am done with Samantha Bee.  Her apologies aside, she has shown what her values are and what her boundaries aren’t.

• • •

The next story is about Roseanne Barr’s blatant racist comment and its social and political sequelae.  Roseanne now seems to think she can walk back her comment comparing black people to apes.  Maybe, in this bizarre intertweet-o-telesphere that we inhabit, she will manage to do that.  But even if she does, it doesn’t mean she is not a racist.  Like Ms. Bee, Roseanne has shown what her values are and what her boundaries aren’t.

I was never a Roseanne fan.  I’m not sure how you could have guessed.

• • •

Last but not least.  I went to the Post Office earlier this week and asked for a sheet of the Mister Rogers stamps.  The clerk told me that the stamps sold out on the first day and that they weren’t available anywhere in the area.  I was astounded, and I said to him, using a louder voice than I should have used, that it was not a beautiful day in this neighborhood.  My wife told her sister about my story, and my sister-in-law suggested I order them online (without fully understanding why I would want Mister Rogers postage stamps).  I did so, and I expect to get the stamps in a couple of days.

Mister Rogers showed us what his values were and what his boundaries weren’t.  I will be happy to put his stamp on any message I send.

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The privacy of your data means a lot to me.  I feel very badly about how you shared all your favorite television shows and music and restaurants on Facebook, and how Facebook had the nerve to turn around and show you advertisements that echoed your interests and then sold your information to others.  How dare they — and every other online presence — take such advantage of you.  But to save you further turmoil, I promise this will be the last time I mention your quaint notions about privacy.

To protect my own readers’ privacy and avoid drawing the wrath of EU bureaucrats who would love to haul my data-careless ass to Brussels for a Zuckerberg-style tongue-lashing,  I have made important plain-English updates to my Terms of Service.  If you care anything about safeguarding yourself, your data, and me, then you should read and memorize these:

§ 1.  If you comment on one of my posts and I disagree with you, I promise that I will only disparage you in the privacy of my own home.  But who knows what my wife will say and what she will share.  She is not bound by these terms.  So, your call.

§ 2.  If you share your e-mail address when making a comment, I promise to re-use it only when I order weapons from Soldier of Fortune magazine or when I write to the FBI about my shady-looking neighbors and their really annoying little dogs.

§ 3.  Under my new policy, I will no longer compile the IP addresses of the visitors of this site, and then brew craft beers, and then name my beers after your IP addresses.   Too bad, because the one I was planning to name for Reader 84.188.91.222 was a satisfying brew.  On the other hand, Reader 73.99.90.172, your beer tasted like rotted geraniums.  You are lucky I tossed that batch before your reputation was sullied.

"Private Duty" by Faith Baldwin, featuring Private Duty Nurse Carolyn Cutler§ 4.  Here at The 100 Billionth Person, we respect privacy.  We pay particular respect to Private Gomer Pyle, Private Maxwell Klinger, Private Investigator Sam Spade, Private Detective Nancy Drew and Private Duty Nurse Carolyn Cutler, whose visage graces this post.

§ 5.  People in Britain pronounce privacy with a short i, to make it sound like principle.  But I live in America, and I pronounce privacy with a long i, to make it sound like I don’t care.

§ 6.  Visitors who read half of one post and then get tired of The 100 Billionth Person and leave the site (and I know who you are) will be treated the same as people who walk out of a church service during the first hymn.  Your IP address will be sent to Franklin Graham, son of the late Billy Graham, for followup and shaming.  And roundly deserved, I say.

§ 7.  When you use a mobile device to access The 100 Billionth Person, we may install a tiny data file on your device.  This file is a harmless little app that runs in the background and uniquely identifies your device.  Also, this app randomly disables one icon every day. It is a fun game, when you think about it, guessing which one of your icons will be the next to disappear.

§ 8.  We do not sell your information to advertisers or commercial interests.  We tried, but  no one was interested.

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