If I had a dog

I would lead it around

let it dig in the ground

and I’d shoot TikTok videos

of the junk that it found

 

I would record its reaction

to miniscule threats

creepy-crawly insects

and its robust response

to bouncy brunettes

 

And if I was lucky

my dog would find things

on each of its digs

that would make every video

viral-interesting

 

Its leaping and barking

and industrious paws

would prompt TikTok applause

Its dog-brand of dogness

would produce oohs and aahs

 

We know every cute dog

needs a cute name to suit

I’d name my cute dog Pursuit,

the perfect name for a dog

who sniffs out the loot!

 

First thousands, then millions

of my canny canine’s followers

would earn us top internet honors

Or in TikTok-ky terms,

we’d rake in beaucoup ad dollars!

 

But on some grey TikTok day

my dear Pursuit would unearth

not one object of worth…

and the resulting rude comments

would snuff out my dog’s mirth

 

And thus Pursuit’s missions

would come to an end

along with our TikTok dividend

I would grieve for my dog,

man’s most lucrative friend.

 

But it’s not like Pursuit

and his pursuits would just die

He’s easy enough to replace with A.I.

Reality was good while it lasted

but we can TikTok it goodbye.