If I had a dog
I would lead it around
let it dig in the ground
and I’d shoot TikTok videos
of the junk that it found
I would record its reaction
to miniscule threats
creepy-crawly insects
and its robust response
to bouncy brunettes
And if I was lucky
my dog would find things
on each of its digs
that would make every video
viral-interesting
Its leaping and barking
and industrious paws
would prompt TikTok applause
Its dog-brand of dogness
would produce oohs and aahs
We know every cute dog
needs a cute name to suit
I’d name my cute dog Pursuit,
the perfect name for a dog
who sniffs out the loot!
First thousands, then millions
of my canny canine’s followers
would earn us top internet honors
Or in TikTok-ky terms,
we’d rake in beaucoup ad dollars!
But on some grey TikTok day
my dear Pursuit would unearth
not one object of worth…
and the resulting rude comments
would snuff out my dog’s mirth
And thus Pursuit’s missions
would come to an end
along with our TikTok dividend
I would grieve for my dog,
man’s most lucrative friend.
But it’s not like Pursuit
and his pursuits would just die
He’s easy enough to replace with A.I.
Reality was good while it lasted
but we can TikTok it goodbye.
