I accuse myself of plagiarism.  Just look at this blatant example.

[wpcol_1half id=”” class=”” style=””]What The New York Times said:

Time magazine and CNN suspended Fareed Zakaria, the writer and television host, on Friday after he apologized for plagiarizing sections of his column on gun control in the Aug. 20 issue of Time.

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The similarities in the texts were spotted by the conservative Web site NewsBusters, and quickly spread across the Internet after appearing on the media blog JimRomenesko.com.

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Mr. Zakaria issued a statement Friday afternoon saying: “Media reporters have pointed out that paragraphs in my Time column this week bear close similarities to paragraphs in Jill Lepore’s essay in the April 23 issue of The New Yorker. They are right. I made a terrible mistake. It is a serious lapse and one that is entirely my fault. I apologize unreservedly to her, to my editors at Time, and to my readers.”

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[/wpcol_1half] [wpcol_1half_end id=”” class=”” style=””]My version:

Some magazine and some cable network suspended Fareed Zakaria, the writer and television host, on Friday after he said he was very sorry and he won’t do it again for cutting and pasting parts of his column on gun control in the August 20, 2012 issue of some magazine nobody reads anymore.

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The similarities in the texts were spotted by writers for The China Daily Worker as they were copying articles from Time to publish in their own paper.  “Didn’t we copy this same thing back in April?” they asked.

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Mr. Zakaria issued a statement on a windy, rain-soaked afternoon saying: “Zing.  They got me.  My column this week was such a bad rip-off that even my junior-high gym teacher would have figured that I copied it from Wikipedia or somewhere.  Duh, what a mistake.  I should have changed more words and thrown in a few more adverbs, like unreservedly.  It is a serious lapse and I wish I hadn’t been caught.”

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Because of my poor judgment, I am hereby resigning from The New York Times, CNN, Time, The New Yorker, The View, This Week, The Daily Show and The Price Is Right. This is what happens when I ask an unpaid intern to write articles under my name while I’m on vacation in Tahiti.