\u2022 Some people have hot-sauce bravado.\u00a0 They make a big deal about the amount of heat they can take.\u00a0 But I do them one better.\u00a0 I put hot sauce on dry ice.\u00a0 I abuse myself at both ends of the temperature scale.<\/p>\n
\u2022 For a long time, I told people that I didn’t start growing up until I was in my 30s.\u00a0 These days, I’m thinking I didn’t start growing up until I was in my 50s.\u00a0 I figure I will approach my 80s with the thought that I stalled out somewhere around 60.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Dogs are smart, man.\u00a0 If I had a dog, I would name it Sandpaper.\u00a0 That way, if it said “Ruff,” I know it would be talking about itself.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Last Christmas, my daughter gave me a gift called Brix<\/em> — a chocolate for wine.\u00a0 Well, this evening, I was having some wine (I was having it, and I still am) and I decided to open up the Brix<\/em>.\u00a0 It is, as the name implies, a brick: an imposing one-inch by two-inch by four-inch block of dark chocolate.\u00a0 It even comes with instructions: “Holding the Brix bar in place with one hand, insert the tip of a sharp utility knife to fracture Brix into bite size morsels.”\u00a0 This is exactly what I want to do, hold onto a block of hard chocolate, grab a sharp utility knife and stab at it with the hand that just put down a wine glass.<\/p>\n \u2022 The first concussion one sustains playing football doesn’t make the rest more bearable.\u00a0 So why do some people insist that every punishment of life makes you stronger?<\/p>\n \u2022 I have invented a new smartphone app.\u00a0 It’s called Panhandler.\u00a0 The free version displays a nagging ad that asks you to send me money.\u00a0 You can turn off the ad by paying me $2.99 for the premium version.<\/p>\n \u2022 I am going to produce a new award show. The awards will go to the most useless things you can imagine.\u00a0 Nominees for the first award include shaving, raking leaves, mosquitoes, network news anchors, and reading comments on the internet.\u00a0 I call them The Britneys.<\/p>\n \u2022 Until now, I had an unwritten rule that Thoughts at Large should include nine thoughts.\u00a0 Now that I’ve written down the rule, I’m going to stop at eight just for spite.\u00a0 Nobody tells me what to do.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u2022 Some people have hot-sauce bravado.\u00a0 They make a big deal about the amount of heat they can take.\u00a0 But I do them one better.\u00a0 I put hot sauce on dry ice.\u00a0 I abuse myself at both ends of the … Continue reading