{"id":28544,"date":"2022-09-15T18:47:33","date_gmt":"2022-09-15T22:47:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/?p=28544"},"modified":"2022-09-16T08:47:05","modified_gmt":"2022-09-16T12:47:05","slug":"not-big-on-boxes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/2022\/09\/not-big-on-boxes\/","title":{"rendered":"Not Big on Boxes"},"content":{"rendered":"

I have been taking my cars to Ralph’s Auto Service here in Asheville for going on 14 years.\u00a0 Ralph (not his real name) might be best described as Carolina cordial<\/em> — I had to remind him again last week that he didn’t need to call me Mr. Collins<\/em> — and he is definitely a man of few, carefully-chosen words.\u00a0 But Ralph is Mr. Reliability when it comes to delivering on what he promises, and that’s what matters here.<\/p>\r\n

When I call Ralph for an appointment, he answers, “Ralph’s Auto,” in such a sober tone that it makes me want to take a box of donuts over to his shop to perk things up.\u00a0 (And yes, we have done so.)\u00a0 Given Ralph’s general demeanor, I had to smile when I looked over the service receipt* from my last oil change and how Ralph filled it out:<\/p>\r\n

\"\"<\/a>It struck me that the most interesting thing about this form is the fact that Ralph<\/em> uses it.\u00a0 The only fields he fills out faithfully are the service date, customer name, make and model, odometer reading and amount due.\u00a0 Everything else on this exhaustively subdivided form gets entered in a style one could call mechanic minimalist<\/em> — the lone organizing principle being “Parts on Left, Labor on Right.”<\/p>\r\n

This begs the question: in what anal-retentive universe would any car mechanic come up with a form like this?\u00a0 Certainly not the one Ralph lives in.\u00a0 I’m thinking military.<\/p>\r\n

\r\n

Take the ESTIMATE<\/span> section.\u00a0 Ralph’s form provides for an initial<\/em> estimate, then a revised<\/em> estimate (with time and date and initials!) and even a third<\/em> revised estimate:<\/p>\r\n

\"\"<\/a>What the hell kind of repair involves three estimates<\/em> from one shop?\u00a0 You can be sure that Ralph would show you the door before offering you even a second estimate, because you would already have proven yourself to be too much trouble.<\/p>\r\n

Predictably, Ralph has never filled out the ESTIMATE<\/span> section for anything his shop has done for me.\u00a0 All our agreements have been verbal handshakes.\u00a0 Someday, I should ask Ralph if he has filled in this part of the form for any repair, ever — or would doing so mean that the job is more trouble than it’s worth?\u00a0 I think I already know the answer.<\/p>\r\n

\r\n

\"\"<\/a>In the upper right, we find more laughers like the Time\u00a0Received<\/span> and Promised<\/span> boxes, complete with AM<\/span> and PM<\/span> symbols to save precious time and ink.<\/p>\r\n

These are one-upped by the Phone\u00a0When\u00a0Ready<\/span> Yes\/No checkboxes.\u00a0 Way back when, I would ask Ralph to call me when my car was ready, and he would always say, will do, but he hardly ever did.\u00a0 He probably just forgot to check Yes \u00a0\u00a0<\/span> .<\/p>\r\n

I love the throwback Pack\u00a0Front\u00a0Wheel\u00a0Bearings<\/span> checklist item.\u00a0 Hey, couldn’t we all use a good front-wheel-bearing packing right about now?<\/p>\r\n

\r\n

\"\"<\/a> The PART\u00a0NO.\u00a0OR\u00a0DESCRIPTION<\/span> area of the form has a dedicated column \u2605<\/span>\u00a0 to encode new\/used\/rebuilt, plus two extra<\/em> columns with no headings, I guess so that ambitious service guys can invent their own codes.<\/p>\r\n

Needless to say, Ralph doesn’t use codes and doesn’t “color inside the lines” — his words, figures and sums just go where they go.<\/p>\r\n

\r\n

\"\"<\/a>Which brings us to that tortuously-titled REPAIR\u00a0ORDER\u00a0LABOR\u00a0INSTRUCTION<\/span> area, where labor gets its due.\u00a0 Ralph’s narrative looks a little lost floating inside this big box.<\/p>\r\n

\r\n

\"\"Finally the bottom line.\u00a0 Don’t get distracted by those INTERNAL\u00a0SUMMARY<\/span> columns to the left because, rest assured, Ralph isn’t. The only accounts that matter to Ralph are\u00a0 accounts receivable, as in Total\u00a0Amount <\/span>\u202f.<\/p>\r\n

The shaded area neatly sums up how this form splits far too many hairs.\u00a0 There are no Special\u00a0Repairs<\/span> or Towing<\/span> in Ralph’s world, just labor, parts and tax.<\/p>\r\n

Ralph’s worldview is very anti-box and very American.\u00a0 He would hate filling out this form if he gave it much thought, so he doesn’t think about it much.\u00a0 My guess is, Ralph has got several boxes of these forms in the back to use up, so he will just ignore all the extraneous bullshit on them until they’re gone.<\/p>\r\n

__________<\/p>\r\n

* The identifying info of Ralph’s shop has been redacted so that he is not tarnished by my reputation.<\/h5>\r\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I have been taking my cars to Ralph’s Auto Service here in Asheville for going on 14 years.\u00a0 Ralph (not his real name) might be best described as Carolina cordial — I had to remind him again last week that … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[39],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-28544","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-interests"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28544","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=28544"}],"version-history":[{"count":77,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28544\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":28650,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28544\/revisions\/28650"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=28544"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=28544"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=28544"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}