{"id":2801,"date":"2012-03-10T20:18:22","date_gmt":"2012-03-11T01:18:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/?p=2801"},"modified":"2022-08-01T07:43:19","modified_gmt":"2022-08-01T11:43:19","slug":"if-i-were-romney","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/2012\/03\/if-i-were-romney\/","title":{"rendered":"If I Were Romney"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>If I had the mitt-fortune of being Mitt Romney&#8230;.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>First of all, I would wish I weren&#8217;t, because my wife would be named Ann.<\/li>\n<li>Also, my wife would be Mormon and, come to think of it, so would I.\u00a0 This may present a conflict, as my underwear is from Sears.<\/li>\n<li>I would allow corporations to vote.\u00a0 <a href=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=E2h8ujX6T0A\">Corporations are people<\/a> too.\u00a0 If Obama were a corporation, he might have some idea how bad it is for people, I mean, for corporations.<\/li>\n<li>I wouldn&#8217;t visit Mississippi for the first time ever and then say how much <a href=\"http:\/\/www.huffingtonpost.com\/2012\/03\/09\/mitt-romney-i-like-grits-learning-to-say-yall_n_1334935.html?ref=elections-2012\">I like grits<\/a>.<\/li>\n<div style=\"height: 90px; padding-top: 15px;\"><a href=\"http:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-content\/uploads\/rom.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-2813 alignleft\" style=\"vertical-align: text-top; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px;\" title=\"Romney\" src=\"http:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-content\/uploads\/rom.jpg\" alt=\"Romney\" width=\"204\" height=\"76\" \/><\/a>I would dye my gray sideburns.\u00a0 Look folks, I&#8217;m trying to become President, not <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Paulie_Gualtieri\">Paulie Gualtieri<\/a>, no offense to my Italian-American friends.<\/div>\n<li> I would talk more slowly and not jerk my arms like a <a href=\"http:\/\/www.scpr.org\/programs\/madeleine-brand\/2012\/02\/06\/22367\/mitt-romneys-robot-problem\">tin-man<\/a>.\u00a0 More oil, please.<\/li>\n<li> I would have four more kids so I could claim to be <a href=\"http:\/\/www.huffingtonpost.com\/2012\/03\/01\/rick-santorum-contraception_n_1313890.html\">the real anti-contraception candidate<\/a> in this election, my friends.<\/li>\n<li>I would move out of Massachusetts, telling my supporters, &#8220;I have just found out that there is ASS in Massachusetts &#8212; this is objectionable to me, and to my family.\u00a0 So I have decided to move to Utah.\u00a0 There is no ASS in Utah.\u00a0 And I promise you, as long as I am in Washington, there never will be.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If I had the mitt-fortune of being Mitt Romney&#8230;. First of all, I would wish I weren&#8217;t, because my wife would be named Ann. Also, my wife would be Mormon and, come to think of it, so would I.\u00a0 This &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/2012\/03\/if-i-were-romney\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2801","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-commentary"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2801","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2801"}],"version-history":[{"count":16,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2801\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":28391,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2801\/revisions\/28391"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2801"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2801"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2801"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}