{"id":2445,"date":"2011-12-28T23:59:15","date_gmt":"2011-12-29T04:59:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/?p=2445"},"modified":"2022-08-01T07:43:20","modified_gmt":"2022-08-01T11:43:20","slug":"alive-and-well","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/2011\/12\/alive-and-well\/","title":{"rendered":"Alive and Well"},"content":{"rendered":"

By now, you must have read the recent reports<\/a> that Cheetah the Chimp, star of various “Tarzan” films in the 1930s, 1940s and 1950s, died Christmas Eve in a sanctuary in Florida, at the age of 80.\u00a0 This would indeed be sad news, if it were true.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>But you see, it can’t be true, because I am Cheetah.<\/p>\n

Here I am, at left, crouching between my Dad and my Mom, flashing my classic smile.\u00a0 They loved me and I loved them back.\u00a0 We lived a happy life on the jungle set.\u00a0 Many sticks to throw and vines to climb.\u00a0 They are gone now, but Cheetah not gone.\u00a0 Cheetah remember.<\/p>\n

Of course, I can already sense the first question that comes to your mind: how can I be Cheetah, since I am not 80 years old?\u00a0 I can explain, but first let me finish grooming myself.\u00a0 OK.\u00a0 There.\u00a0 That one too.<\/p>\n

One day, when I was about seven, I was watching cartoons after school.\u00a0 It was the same show I usually watched: “Paul Shannon’s Adventure Time<\/a>.”\u00a0 The last thing I remembered was Paul lowering his magic sword… and the next thing I knew, I had been transported backwards in time 20 years.\u00a0 As you might guess, the process of going back in time had a regressive effect on my physical development — I now had hair over my entire body and I could only speak in screams and oogles.<\/p>\n

I still had my endearing smile, though, and I figured I could use it to get by.\u00a0 But it was still pretty hard making a living as a 3-foot-tall waiter.\u00a0 Eventually I renamed myself Cheetah and headed for Hollywood, California, where I would be accepted for who I was.<\/p>\n

It was a happy time, making the “Tarzan” films.\u00a0 I learned how to act and how to provoke elephant stampedes.\u00a0 I had all the bananas I could eat.\u00a0 They were sort of constipating, so I had to scrounge for crickets and other sources of fiber when I wasn’t needed on the set.\u00a0 Nowadays, trainers know better.<\/p>\n

So, just to let you know, Cheetah is not dead but in his late 50s, and is living peacefully in the North Carolina mountains.\u00a0 When I’m not writing my blog, I make art.\u00a0 Fingerpaints.\u00a0 Stop by and have a banana daiquiri with me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By now, you must have read the recent reports that Cheetah the Chimp, star of various “Tarzan” films in the 1930s, 1940s and 1950s, died Christmas Eve in a sanctuary in Florida, at the age of 80.\u00a0 This would indeed … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[45],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2445","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2445","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2445"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2445\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3668,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2445\/revisions\/3668"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2445"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2445"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2445"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}