{"id":2359,"date":"2014-04-17T10:02:03","date_gmt":"2014-04-17T14:02:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/?p=2359"},"modified":"2022-08-01T07:43:08","modified_gmt":"2022-08-01T11:43:08","slug":"comfort","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/2014\/04\/comfort\/","title":{"rendered":"The Comfort"},"content":{"rendered":"

KIRK [voice-over]: Captain’s Log, Stardate 4302.4.\u00a0 Communications Officer Uhura has picked up a sub-space signal from a planet in the sparsely-populated Tulsar quadrant.\u00a0 The Enterprise is investigating.<\/em><\/p>\n

SULU:\u00a0 We have visual contact, Captain.<\/p>\n

KIRK: On screen, Mr. Sulu.<\/p>\n

ELDER: Greetings, Federation friends.\u00a0 We welcome you.<\/p>\n

KIRK: We…\u00a0 also greet you.\u00a0 I am Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship —<\/p>\n

ELDER: We know who you are, Captain.\u00a0 I am Elder Bob.\u00a0 We are glad your ship has come to visit our neighborhood.\u00a0 You have come such a long way, Captain — we would like you and your crew to be our guests and share our comfort.<\/p>\n

[KIRK glances at SPOCK.]<\/p>\n

SPOCK: Sensors show no unusual energy readings, Captain.<\/p>\n

KIRK [to viewscreen]: Thank you, Elder.\u00a0 Our crew is… [KIRK looks around at the officers on the bridge]… very ready for some… rejuvenation.\u00a0 We would be… pleased… to visit you.<\/p>\n

ELDER:\u00a0 Then beam your party down right away, Captain.\u00a0 You have our coordinates.<\/p>\n

KIRK [turning to Chekov]: Mr. Chekov, prepare the landing party and schedule rotating leaves on the planet for the rest of the crew.<\/p>\n

CHEKOV:\u00a0 Wes, Captain.<\/p>\n

KIRK [to viewscreen]:\u00a0 Elder, we appreciate and look forward to your hospitality.\u00a0 We will be ready to transport within the hour.<\/p>\n

ELDER: Wonderful, Captain.<\/p>\n

KIRK [to himself]: Yes, I am.\u00a0 [Turns to SULU]\u00a0 Mr. Sulu, assemble the landing party and notify me when we are ready to beam down. \u00a0 I will be in my quarters.\u00a0 [KIRK strides to the lift and the doors open.]\u00a0 Deck 5.\u00a0 [KIRK steps inside and the doors close.]<\/p>\n

McCOY [on bridge, glancing sideways at SPOCK]:\u00a0 Here we go again.<\/p>\n

[SPOCK raises left eyebrow but stares ahead and says nothing .]<\/p>\n

_______________________________<\/p>\n

CHEKOV [on the planet surface]: All tricorder readings normal, Captain.<\/p>\n

KIRK: Thank you, Mr. Chekov.\u00a0 Now, let’s find our host.<\/p>\n

ELDER [appearing from around a corner]: No need to look far, Captain Kirk.\u00a0 We are ready to welcome you.\u00a0 Shall we sing?\u00a0 [ELDER motions to a young man with a lute.]<\/p>\n

KIRK: Sing?<\/p>\n

ELDER: We sing to celebrate our fortune.\u00a0 [ELDER begins to sing along with the lute.] “Praise, praise, praise our comfort, raise, raise–“<\/p>\n

KIRK [raising his hand to silence the lute]:\u00a0 Elder Bob.\u00a0 We are… very pleased… to be here but we are also tired and ready for… relaxation.\u00a0 I would like… the rest of my crew… to see your planet and get… acquainted… with your people.\u00a0 [KIRK glances to the left and right.]\u00a0 Where are your people, by the way?<\/p>\n

ELDER: In the Comfortorium, Captain.\u00a0 Come meet them.<\/p>\n

CHEKOV: Captain, the tricorder shows multiple lifeforms congregating 100 meters away.<\/p>\n

KIRK [horny and impatient]: Fine, let’s go meet them.\u00a0 And then I would like to start transporting our crew members to the planet surface… with your permission, Elder.<\/p>\n

SPOCK [leaning toward KIRK]: As your First Officer, I advise caution, Captain.<\/p>\n

ELDER: We have no objections, Captain.\u00a0 Beam them all down, whenever you choose.<\/p>\n

KIRK [reaching for communicator]: Kirk to Enterprise.\u00a0 Initiate transport of all crew to the planet surface.\u00a0 Get their asses down here.\u00a0 Kirk out.<\/p>\n

SPOCK: Captain…<\/p>\n

KIRK [eyeing Spock]:\u00a0 Yes, Mr. Spock?\u00a0 You have some… logical… objection?<\/p>\n

SPOCK: No, Captain.\u00a0 But my study of this planet suggests that visitors are obligated to take part in a peculiar ritual of which we have little experience.\u00a0 It may be risky.<\/p>\n

KIRK: Let’s go party, Mr. Spock.\u00a0 [KIRK lowers his voice.]\u00a0 Spock, what is it with the lutes? Why do they all play lutes?\u00a0 Every… where… we… go!<\/p>\n

ELDER:\u00a0 Right this way, Captain.\u00a0 Welcome to our community.<\/p>\n

_______________________________<\/p>\n

[The seven-member landing party is led to an indoor atrium.]<\/p>\n

KIRK:\u00a0 What is this?\u00a0 This isn’t a party.\u00a0 This looks like… some kind of… funeral.\u00a0 Why are all these people standing in line?<\/p>\n

ELDER:\u00a0 Oh, the latecomers always look unhappy.\u00a0 Come — because you are special guests, I will take you to the front of the line.<\/p>\n

KIRK [whispering to Spock as they walk past those in line]:\u00a0 Spock, what’s going on here?<\/p>\n

SPOCK: The people of this planet call this ritual comforting.<\/em> Approximately 84% of them participate in the ritual.\u00a0 It is practiced regularly.<\/p>\n

KIRK:\u00a0 What about the other 16%?\u00a0 What do they do?<\/p>\n

SPOCK: Those who do not participate are treated as outcasts, Captain.\u00a0 They are never chosen as leaders.\u00a0 Their motives and morals are suspect and they are considered threats.<\/p>\n

KIRK: Threats!<\/p>\n

ELDER [interrupting KIRK and SPOCK]: Here we are, Captain, at the Comfort Pedestal.\u00a0 It is our privilege to have you join us.\u00a0 Please, Captain, step up to the Pedestal.<\/p>\n

[KIRK approaches the Pedestal and observes the man at the front of the line.\u00a0 Kirk sees the man reach for a blue button on the Pedestal.\u00a0 The man presses the button and looks down.\u00a0 A\u00a0bluish-purple light shines on the man for five seconds and then fades.\u00a0 The man walks away from the Pedestal, smiling.]<\/p>\n

KIRK [to ELDER]:\u00a0 What… just happened… here?<\/p>\n

ELDER:\u00a0 That was The Comfort, Captain.\u00a0 Come!\u00a0 What good fortune!\u00a0 You are next.<\/p>\n

KIRK [turns to SPOCK]:\u00a0 Spock!\u00a0 Your analysis!<\/p>\n

SPOCK: Ordinary electromagnetic radiation, Captain, wavelength about 420 nanometers.<\/p>\n

KIRK [exasperated]: Plain English, Mr. Spock.<\/p>\n

SPOCK: Purple-colored light, Jim.\u00a0 Nothing more, nothing less.<\/p>\n

KIRK [to ELDER]: Elder Jim!<\/p>\n

ELDER: Not Jim, Bob.<\/p>\n

KIRK:\u00a0 Bob, Bob, yes.\u00a0 What does the purple light do?\u00a0 My First Officer says it is ordinary… [KIRK rubs his forehead]… electromatic… radar… friction.\u00a0 Well, whatever Spock said.\u00a0 But surely… you do not believe that this light does… anything… to help your people?<\/p>\n

ELDER: On the contrary, Captain.\u00a0 See for yourself.\u00a0 Our people step up to the Pedestal, sad and overwhelmed by the events in their lives, but then they press the Button, receive the Comfort and walk away refreshed and ready to engage in the world many more days.\u00a0 How would you argue with this?<\/p>\n

KIRK:\u00a0 We would… argue… that your so-called comfort is just a purple light.\u00a0 Elder Jim, or Bob, or Jim Bob, you must have heard of the placebo effect.\u00a0 It is ancient science.\u00a0 Pressing a button and lighting a light is a placebo — it only does… what you believe… it does.<\/p>\n

ELDER:\u00a0 You underestimate us, Captain Kirk.\u00a0 We know about placebos.\u00a0 And we know the power of belief.\u00a0 Our people don’t believe because<\/em> we press the Button, Captain.\u00a0 We press the Button because we believe<\/em>.<\/p>\n

SPOCK: Is there a difference, Elder?<\/p>\n

ELDER: Press the Button, Mr. Spock, and see for yourself.\u00a0 It is because we believe that we receive the blessing of Comfort that the Light conveys.<\/p>\n

McCOY [stepping forward]: Cackleberry comfort if you ask me!\u00a0 Anyone who is worth a damn deals with life as it is, with all its ups and downs, he doesn’t just press some blasted blue button!\u00a0 Let me press the damn button and you can see for your own self!<\/p>\n

[McCOY pushes SPOCK aside, strides to the Pedestal and slams his palm onto the Button.\u00a0 He is bathed in a bluish-purple light that fades after several seconds.]<\/p>\n

KIRK: McCoy!\u00a0 Doctor McCoy!<\/p>\n

[McCOY stares blankly at KIRK]<\/p>\n

KIRK: Bo… Bones.<\/p>\n

McCOY [weakly]: Jim.<\/p>\n

KIRK: Yes, Bones.<\/p>\n

McCOY:\u00a0 I think you are a wonderful Captain, Jim.\u00a0 Captain Jim.\u00a0 Captain Jim’s fish sticks. Ahoy, space sailors!\u00a0 Captain Jim has some delicious fish sticks for you.\u00a0 Catch of the day.<\/p>\n

KIRK [to his communicator]: Kirk to Enterprise.\u00a0 Lock onto Doctor McCoy’s signal and beam him directly to Sick Bay.\u00a0 Keep me posted on his condition.\u00a0 Kirk out.<\/p>\n

[McCOY dissolves into a sparkly cloud]<\/p>\n

KIRK [regaining composure]: Elder Bob, your Button and your Comfort are dangerous.\u00a0 Your people come here to feel better.\u00a0 But they feel better only because you have convinced them that these… things… do something.\u00a0 They fool themselves and you fool them too.<\/p>\n

ELDER: Captain, no one is being fooled here.\u00a0 As the Ancients said, “To those who press the Button, no explanation is necessary. To those who refrain, no explanation is possible.”<\/p>\n

KIRK [as one person after another presses the Button and walks away]:\u00a0 And what about Doctor McCoy?\u00a0 How do you explain that?\u00a0 Elder, we wish to retire to our quarters now.<\/p>\n

ELDER [with pained expression of disapproval]: Very well, Captain.\u00a0 [ELDER gestures to lute player.]\u00a0 He will show you to your quarters.\u00a0 [Lute player smiles to himself.]<\/p>\n

_______________________________<\/p>\n

KIRK [gesturing to lute player guarding the quarters]: Please… do… play!\u00a0 Thank you. [Lute player strums loudly as Kirk turns away.]\u00a0 Wonderful.\u00a0 I love the lute.<\/p>\n

KIRK [to landing crew as the lute masks his words]: Eighty-four percent of the inhabitants of this planet are… enslaved… in this… cult of comfort.\u00a0 I want that Button broken and that Light shattered.\u00a0 The people of this planet must be… free… to choose their own paths of personal renewal.\u00a0 Now… the Prime Directive says I\u00a0cannot do this because I would be… interfering… with the natural development of another civilization.\u00a0 But what do you say, Mr. Spock?<\/p>\n

SPOCK: I…<\/p>\n

COLLINS:\u00a0 Captain Kirk!<\/p>\n

KIRK: Yes, Ensign Collins.<\/p>\n

COLLINS:\u00a0 Captain, if I may speak freely.\u00a0 We have talked about this, Professor Dawkins and I.\u00a0 We are willing to stay here on the planet and find an opportunity to destroy the Button and the Light after the Enterprise leaves the quadrant.\u00a0 The Enterprise can return to the planet at a later time and beam us up to the ship undetected.\u00a0 No one on the planet — or in Starfleet Command — would be aware of any violation of the Prime Directive.\u00a0 But most importantly, the Button and the Light and the Comfort would be gone.<\/p>\n

KIRK: Professor Dawkins.\u00a0 I take it you are on board with this plan?<\/p>\n

DAWKINS:\u00a0 It was my idea, Captain.\u00a0 A delusion is something that people believe in despite a total lack of evidence.\u00a0 I do not believe in delusions.\u00a0 They are not healthy.<\/p>\n

COLLINS: Captain, for the plan to be successful, you must leave us with a phaser.<\/p>\n

KIRK:\u00a0 Understood.\u00a0 [Gives his phaser to COLLINS]\u00a0 And, Ensign…<\/p>\n

COLLINS: Yes, Captain.<\/p>\n

KIRK: While you’re at it — do something about that lute.<\/p>\n

_______________________________<\/p>\n

KIRK [voice-over]: Captain’s Log, Stardate 4313.2, Easter Day in the Old Federation.\u00a0 Doctor McCoy has fully recovered from his latest indiscretion with Acamarian brandy.\u00a0 For reasons unknown to the Enterprise officers, Ensign Collins and Professor Dawkins chose to abandon their posts and remain on the planet.\u00a0 It is unlikely that the Enterprise will ever return to this sector.\u00a0 We commend Collins and Dawkins for their service and wish them, and the rest of the planet, a very Happy Easter.
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

[The Enterprise turns and flies out of orbit.]<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

KIRK [voice-over]: Captain’s Log, Stardate 4302.4.\u00a0 Communications Officer Uhura has picked up a sub-space signal from a planet in the sparsely-populated Tulsar quadrant.\u00a0 The Enterprise is investigating. SULU:\u00a0 We have visual contact, Captain. KIRK: On screen, Mr. Sulu. ELDER: Greetings, … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[45,62],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2359","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","category-short-stories"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2359","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2359"}],"version-history":[{"count":128,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2359\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13158,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2359\/revisions\/13158"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2359"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2359"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2359"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}