{"id":20152,"date":"2019-07-28T04:27:12","date_gmt":"2019-07-28T08:27:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/?p=20152"},"modified":"2022-08-01T07:42:50","modified_gmt":"2022-08-01T11:42:50","slug":"every-seafaring-adventure-film-ever","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/2019\/07\/every-seafaring-adventure-film-ever\/","title":{"rendered":"Every Seafaring Adventure Film Ever"},"content":{"rendered":"

[Warning: Spoilers dead ahead.<\/em>]<\/p>\n

\u2295\u00a0 The vessel has an important mission to accomplish.<\/p>\n

\u2295\u00a0 Someone on board has a hidden agenda.<\/p>\n

\u2295\u00a0 Someone on board is mentally unstable.<\/p>\n

\u2295\u00a0 The captain has a drinking problem.<\/p>\n

\u2295\u00a0 The hull of the boat\/ship\/sub will spring a leak.<\/p>\n

\u2295\u00a0 The motor of the bail-out pump will overheat and explode.<\/p>\n

\u2295\u00a0 A klaxon horn will sound and emergency lights will come on.<\/p>\n

\u2295\u00a0 The vessel will lurch and items in the galley will crash to the floor.<\/p>\n

\u2295\u00a0 The mentally-unstable person will secretly perform an act of sabotage.<\/p>\n

\u2295\u00a0 A steam valve will burst, badly burning a non-essential crewman.<\/p>\n

\u2295\u00a0 The engineer will be trapped by rising waters while trying to restart the engines.<\/p>\n

\u2295\u00a0 A vital cable and\/or air hose will break, causing a non-essential crewman to drown.<\/p>\n

\u2295\u00a0 The captain and first mate will have a private discussion about the deteriorating morale of the crew.\u00a0 They will drink coffee from tin cups and one will spit his coffee onto the floor.<\/p>\n

\u2295\u00a0 The navigation and\/or communications systems will fail.<\/p>\n

\u2295\u00a0 Someone will rap his fingers on the glass of a gauge, disbelieving its accuracy.<\/p>\n

\u2295\u00a0 A young crew member will come up with a makeshift solution to a temporary crisis by using an item of obsolete and\/or defective gear.<\/p>\n

\u2295\u00a0 The captain will be unable to control his drinking and will retire to his quarters in a delirious sweat, forcing the first mate to take command.<\/p>\n

\u2295\u00a0 The person with the hidden agenda will take advantage of the chaos on board to advance his petty plan.<\/p>\n

\u2295\u00a0 A blind radio operator on his last assignment will help the first mate navigate through a minefield and\/or icebergs and\/or underwater mountain range by placing his ear up to the hull and tapping on it with a wrench.<\/p>\n

\u2295\u00a0 Meanwhile, the makeshift repair threatens to fail at any minute.<\/p>\n

\u2295\u00a0 The damaged vessel will return to port.\u00a0 The dead include the engineer, the saboteur and two non-essential crewmen.\u00a0 Only the engineer will be mourned.<\/p>\n

\u2295\u00a0 The captain will be carried off on a stretcher.\u00a0 The person with the hidden agenda will be taken into custody.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u2295\u00a0 The film will close with the first mate standing at the helm of his own boat\/ship\/sub.\u00a0 It\u00a0will be a sunny day and there will be a fresh sea spray.\u00a0 The end.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

[Warning: Spoilers dead ahead.] \u2295\u00a0 The vessel has an important mission to accomplish. \u2295\u00a0 Someone on board has a hidden agenda. \u2295\u00a0 Someone on board is mentally unstable. \u2295\u00a0 The captain has a drinking problem. \u2295\u00a0 The hull of the … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[45],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-20152","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20152","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=20152"}],"version-history":[{"count":28,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20152\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":20189,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20152\/revisions\/20189"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=20152"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=20152"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=20152"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}