{"id":16983,"date":"2018-01-26T20:19:36","date_gmt":"2018-01-27T01:19:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/?p=16983"},"modified":"2022-08-01T07:42:55","modified_gmt":"2022-08-01T11:42:55","slug":"i-also-am-announcing-my-farewell-tour","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/2018\/01\/i-also-am-announcing-my-farewell-tour\/","title":{"rendered":"I Also Am Announcing My Farewell Tour"},"content":{"rendered":"

Inspired by Elton John, a mere six years my senior, I have also decided to announce the start of my farewell tour.\u00a0 But rather than three years, I intend that my farewell tour go on for twenty or thirty.\u00a0 Indeed, my Farewell Black Asphalt Driveway Tour will last as long as I can pull out a piano bench, but then wisely push it back in and instead find an interesting art gallery to visit and a fun place to have lunch with my wife.<\/p>\n

\"CHCollins<\/a>My twenty-or-thirty-year farewell tour grants me a long opportunity to say thank you to my hundreds of fans and friends.\u00a0 (Okay, not hundreds.\u00a0 More like a handful.)\u00a0 But I will not wait to the end of my tour to express appreciation to all those who somehow have overlooked my faults and remained my friends.\u00a0 First things first, and the first thing is love — that will be the motto of my farewell tour.\u00a0 The second thing will be humor, which is fitting, as humor always seems to be an afterthought around here.<\/p>\n

When one announces a farewell tour, thoughts naturally turn to opportunities wasted and hurts unintended.\u00a0 But let us all be positive about this — or as positive as anyone might be upon hearing of a farewell tour by one so beloved (ahem) as myself.\u00a0 Positives you say? What might the positives be?\u00a0 First, I will continue to publish blog posts for the foreseeable future, in spite of my having no foreseeable rise in readership.\u00a0 Second, I will keep writing inscrutable poems and the occasional one-panel comic.\u00a0 Third, I will continue to design and produce The 100 Billionth Person <\/em>branded items for my fans to briefly cherish before they regift them to their casual work friends.\u00a0 (Contact me if interested in those items.)\u00a0 Finally, I will offer refunds for the tickets to all those performances I had to cancel due to circumstances beyond my control, like all the times that the arena accidentally scheduled me and Lady Gaga to perform on the same day and the same time but she showed up first.\u00a0 I feel really bad about that and I want to make it up to you.<\/p>\n

Some of you are questioning what warrants my confidence in scheduling and completing a twenty-to-thirty-year Farewell Black Asphalt Driveway Tour.\u00a0 If I make it, then I make it.\u00a0 If I don’t, the loss will be mine, not yours.\u00a0 Just don’t expect a ticket refund.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Inspired by Elton John, a mere six years my senior, I have also decided to announce the start of my farewell tour.\u00a0 But rather than three years, I intend that my farewell tour go on for twenty or thirty.\u00a0 Indeed, … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[39],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-16983","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-interests"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16983","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16983"}],"version-history":[{"count":43,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16983\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":17092,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16983\/revisions\/17092"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16983"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=16983"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=16983"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}