{"id":1535,"date":"2011-09-20T22:37:47","date_gmt":"2011-09-21T02:37:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/?p=1535"},"modified":"2022-08-01T07:43:21","modified_gmt":"2022-08-01T11:43:21","slug":"vote-republican","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/2011\/09\/vote-republican\/","title":{"rendered":"Vote Republican"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Yes, that’s right.\u00a0 If you are politically moderate or left-of-center, I want you to march to your county elections department and register as a Republican, so you can vote in the 2012 presidential primary.\u00a0 This is doubly important if you live in one of the early primary states that have closed primaries<\/a>:\u00a0 Delaware, Florida, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, Maryland, New York and Oklahoma.\u00a0 All of these states will hold their Republican primaries before the end of April, by which time the nominee will likely be determined.<\/p>\n

Normally I would not call for such drastic action.\u00a0 But it is obvious that Barack Obama is in serious danger of being the one-term president that makes Mitch McConnell’s jowls drool. Given our toxic political climate and anti-incumbent sentiment, any Republican, no matter how outrageous his or her positions, has a good chance to win the White House next year.<\/p>\n

I think Rick Perry could win.\u00a0 I even think Michelle Bachmann could win.\u00a0 Ron Paul, well, maybe not, but who knows?\u00a0 You only need to watch one Republican debate to see how much zombie anger is out there, just waiting to inhabit the body of the right candidate.<\/p>\n

It is a mistake to think Obama is assured to prevail against the hardest of the hard-right.\u00a0 Moderates and liberals need to plan for any eventuality.\u00a0 This means we need to cast our primary votes for the Republican who is likely to do the least damage if eventually elected.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>So who do I vote for, you ask?\u00a0 Glad you asked.\u00a0 I know how hard it is to vote for a Republican when you haven’t done so in thirty-odd years.\u00a0 But I’m here to help.\u00a0 Luckily for us, I have just put the finishing touches on my latest invention, The Wackometer\u2122 (shown at right).<\/p>\n

Before we go on: please do not call the device a WACKO-meter.\u00a0 This is a precision instrument.\u00a0 It rhymes with thermometer.\u00a0 Thank you.<\/p>\n

To use the device, I simply plug it into the USB port of my laptop (sorry, Apple people, there is no iPad app yet) and start typing in a candidate’s statements.\u00a0 The Wackometer analyzes the statements for bizarre and extreme content and reports the result in units of kilocrazies<\/em> (during testing, I found that a crazy<\/em> was not a large enough unit of measure).<\/p>\n

Here are the results I obtained for the current crop of Republican candidates.\u00a0 Remember, when your primary arrives, you should vote for the candidate (of those remaining) who has the lowest Wackometer reading.<\/p>\n

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\n
\"\"<\/a>

Michelle Bachmann<\/p><\/div>\n

On her website, Bachmann says Obama “bows to kings, bends to dictators, bumbles with reset buttons, and babies radical Islamists.”\u00a0 She claims that health care reform will result in “panels of unelected bureaucrats who will determine your level of care.”\u00a0 (Sort of like your insurance company does now.)\u00a0 She opposes requiring girls to get vaccinated for HPV before they enter sixth-grade: “To have innocent little twelve-year-old girls be forced to have a government injection through an executive order is just flat out wrong.”\u00a0 She had sympathy for a woman who “told me that her little daughter took that vaccine, that injection, and she suffered from mental retardation thereafter.”<\/span><\/h5>\n

I typed all of this into The Wackometer and got a reading of 124 kilocrazies for Bachmann.<\/h5>\n

________________________________________________________________<\/p>\n

\n
\"\"<\/a>

Herman Cain<\/p><\/div>\n

One Herman Cain applause line: “People who oppose Obama are said to be racists – so I guess I’m a racist.”\u00a0 But maybe not, as he also says, “I don\u2019t think calling [Obama] a Kenyan is racist.”\u00a0 Taking a swipe at Romney’s Mormon faith, Cain points out, “It doesn\u2019t bother me, but I know it is an issue with a lot of Southerners.\u201d\u00a0 A bit further south, Cain envisions a Great Wall of Mexico: “If they could build that wall centuries ago without bulldozers, we can secure the border today. It could be a combination of walls and high-tech equipment…\u00a0 If accidents happen, that\u2019s one thing.\u00a0 But I think we can improve upon that ratio of three million people dying.”<\/span><\/h5>\n

The Wackometer said 82 kilocrazies.\u00a0 I tapped the dial just to make sure it was working, and the needle jumped up to 105.\u00a0 Take your pick.<\/h5>\n

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\n
\"\"<\/a>

Newt Gingrich<\/p><\/div>\n

Gingrich would carry a big stick: “We have failed for a decade to deal with North Korea, we have failed for a decade to deal with Iran.”\u00a0 His economic plan “starts with eliminating the capital gains tax and the death tax [and] reducing the corporate tax to 12.5%”.\u00a0 But he shows some love for the American worker: “The [Obama] administration is the most job-killing administration in American history, it has no peer.”\u00a0 So, to help create American jobs, “We ought to have a legal guest worker program. We ought to outsource it, frankly, to American Express, Visa and MasterCard, so there’s no counterfeiting.”<\/span><\/h5>\n

The Wackometer needle moved wildly, especially as I typed how he told Fox News “how wrong it was for President Obama to have favored infanticide when he was a State Senator.” It finally pointed to 74 kilocrazies, better than some, worse than others.<\/h5>\n

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\"\"<\/a>

Jon Huntsman<\/p><\/div>\n

Huntsman has strange ideas like, “Economic prosperity and quality education for our children are inexorably linked.”\u00a0 Uh oh.\u00a0 So will he pledge to never raise taxes?\u00a0 “No pledges.\u00a0I think it diminishes the political discussion.” Then he must want to cut entitlements. “If we can’t find cuts in the defense budget, we’re not looking carefully enough.”\u00a0 But what about that Kenyan in the White House?\u00a0 “I don’t think you need to run down someone’s reputation in order to run for the office of president.” Come on, Jon, you’re a Republican, give us some red meat!\u00a0 “I believe in evolution and trust scientists on global warming. Call me crazy.”<\/span><\/h5>\n

Unfortunately, The Wackometer is not calling him very crazy: he mustered only 12 kilocrazies. (In my tests, just typing the first five letters of “Republican” is enough to make the needle jump). This guy is not going to win, but he was a good calibration check for The Wackometer.<\/h5>\n

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\"\"<\/a>

Ron Paul<\/p><\/div>\n

Now the Libertarian. “The Civil Rights Act of 1964 did not improve race relations or enhance freedom.\u00a0 Instead, the forced integration dictated by the Civil Rights Act of 1964 increased racial tensions while diminishing individual liberty.”\u00a0 And Ron Paul loves liberty: “Our country’s founders cherished liberty, not democracy.” So much for minority rights. “[Gays] can do whatever they want, call it whatever they want, they shouldn’t expect to impose their relationship on somebody else.”\u00a0 But happily, gays can smoke whatever they want:\u00a0 “You wanna get rid of drug crime in this country? Fine, let’s just get rid of all the drug laws.”<\/span><\/h5>\n

The Wackometer measured 92 kilocrazies.\u00a0 Surprising, because he seemed so “reasonable”.<\/h5>\n

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\"\"<\/a>

Rick Perry<\/p><\/div>\n

Rick Perry loves America: “When [Texas] came into the nation in 1845, we were … a stand-alone nation.\u00a0 And one of the deals was, we can leave anytime we want.\u00a0 So we’re kind of thinking about that again.”\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 Texas has 38 electoral votes, more than Michigan and Pennsylvania combined.\u00a0 Perry loves that too.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

Perry is forgiving.\u00a0 He forgives oil that happens to spill on America’s shores: “From time to time there are going to be things that occur that are acts of God that cannot be prevented.” <\/span><\/p>\n

Perry’s God looks the other way for BP, saving His wrath for the appointed judges that control our lives: “[Americans] are fed up with unelected judges telling them when and where they can pray or observe the Ten Commandments.” <\/span><\/p>\n

Perry also has this homosexuality thing figured out: “Even if someone is attracted to a person of the same sex, he or she still makes a choice to engage in sexual activity with someone of the same gender.”\u00a0 So, if someone is attracted to a person of the opposite sex, does he or she make a choice to engage in sexual activity with someone of the other gender?\u00a0 That sounds so naughty!\u00a0 I’m so confused!\u00a0 What a dilemma.<\/span><\/p>\n

Lest you think Perry ain’t smart: \u201cI am a firm believer in intelligent design as a matter of faith and intellect, and I believe it should be presented in schools alongside the theories of evolution.\u201d\u00a0 I believe The Wackometer read 108 kilocrazies, but I think my belief should be taught in school alongside the theory of gravity, and let parents decide.<\/span><\/h5>\n

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\"\"<\/a>

Mitt Romney<\/p><\/div>\n

Romney asks, “What creates better patient outcomes… free enterprise and consumer-driven markets or government management and regulation?”\u00a0 Obviously, free enterprise — after all, if your doctor kills you, you wouldn’t choose to go back to him.<\/span><\/p>\n

As a Republican, Mitt is obliged to weigh in on sex: “I feel very deeply about the need to respect and tolerate people of different social or sexual orientation. But at the same time, I believe marriage should be preserved as an institution for one man and one woman.” So Mitt is AC but respects DC (very deeply).
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

Unlike Obama, Romney will take our most-wanted terrorists to task: “We have serious enemies and growing threats around the world. Unfortunately, we have an administration whose idea of a rogue state is Arizona.”\u00a0 Tell that to Gabrielle Giffords.\u00a0 “This is a global effort … to overcome this jihadist effort.\u00a0 It’s more than Osama bin Laden.\u00a0 But he is going to pay, and he will die.”\u00a0 Sorry that Obama didn’t leave him for you, Mitt.\u00a0 But go right ahead and take comfort in your thinking that President Obama, \u201calways the skillful politician, will throw in compliments about America here and there.\u201d\u00a0 As he writes letters to the survivors of America’s war dead.
\n<\/span><\/h5>\n

Mitt Romney is the kind of candidate who pours a stream of gasoline on the ground and then throws rose petals on it.\u00a0 His Wackometer reading was 60 kilocrazies.<\/h5>\n

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\"\"<\/a>

Rick Santorum<\/p><\/div>\n

Finally, Rick Santorum weighs in on sex abuse by Catholic priests: “While [there] is no excuse for this… it is no surprise that Boston, a seat of academic, political and cultural liberalism in America, lies at the center of the storm.” As to the consequences of sexual abuse by rapists, Santorum has utmost concern for the victims: “To put them through another trauma of an abortion, I think is too much to ask.”<\/span><\/p>\n

“We should lay out areas in which the evidence supports evolution and the areas in the evidence that does not.”\u00a0 Such as… ?<\/span><\/p>\n

“Watching President Obama apologize last week for America’s arrogance … before a French audience … helped convince me that he has a deep-seated antipathy toward American values and traditions.”\u00a0 Rick wins the Conservative Trifecta: loves the Bible, hates Obama, mixed up about sex.\u00a0 And, for good measure, disparages the French.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

On the strength of these statements, Santorum pushed The Wackometer to 145 kilocrazies, almost to the OMG level.<\/span><\/h5>\n

_______________________________________________________________<\/p>\n

Good luck, one and all.\u00a0 See you at the polls.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Yes, that’s right.\u00a0 If you are politically moderate or left-of-center, I want you to march to your county elections department and register as a Republican, so you can vote in the 2012 presidential primary.\u00a0 This is doubly important if you … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1535","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-commentary"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1535","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1535"}],"version-history":[{"count":204,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1535\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2093,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1535\/revisions\/2093"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1535"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1535"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1535"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}