{"id":15320,"date":"2017-06-22T20:30:43","date_gmt":"2017-06-23T00:30:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/?p=15320"},"modified":"2022-08-01T07:42:57","modified_gmt":"2022-08-01T11:42:57","slug":"thoughts-large-46","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/2017\/06\/thoughts-large-46\/","title":{"rendered":"Thoughts @ Large: 46"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u2022 Why are short forks called\u00a0salad forks<\/em>?\u00a0 Why are salad forks shorter than other forks?\u00a0 Are lightweight forks somehow appropriate for lightweight food?\u00a0 Why would one need a fork that is shorter than regular forks?\u00a0 The better to jab thin people with?<\/p>\n

\u2022 One full slot in every American’s silverware drawer is wastefully devoted to salad forks.\u00a0 This takes up precious space that could otherwise be used for chopsticks, poultry lacers, rubber pot-scrapers and rectal thermometers.<\/p>\n

\u2022 You know, I was just thinking the other day.<\/p>\n

\u2022 I may turn out to be a very bad grandfather.\u00a0 I can’t seem to watch children at play without imagining all the ways they could hurt themselves, which naturally makes me want to constrain their play.\u00a0 Good thing I was not my own grandfather — otherwise I would not have gained such an appreciation for dangerous things.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Perhaps I should take heart that, on Antiques Roadshow 3000<\/em>, my works of art will be best-known for having been made during the Trump Dynasty.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Every sound-effects team in Hollywood should be fired.\u00a0 One film after another persists in accompanying all blows with thundering deep bass tones and all fast-moving objects with cavernous whooshes.\u00a0 Such sonic clich\u00e9s should be banned, never rewarded.<\/p>\n

\u2022 One of my favorite expressions is, “Excuse my French.”\u00a0 (It so often needs excusing.)<\/p>\n

\u2022 I am really getting tired of getting directed to some Pinterest site whenever I click a link.\u00a0 I will never sign up for Pinterest, never, ever.\u00a0 If the internet is so smart, they would have figured this out by now and they would stop sending me to Pinterest.\u00a0 Goober Pyle and me, we’re just going to sit here and play checkers in the repair shop until the internet fixes this.<\/p>\n

\u2022 I call them thunderstorms<\/em> but many others refer to them as electrical storms<\/em>.\u00a0 I would be interested to know whether there is a cultural or geographic locus for the designation electrical storm.<\/em>\u00a0 There’s something about that name that pays tribute to the primitive forces of nature.\u00a0 The more documentary thunderstorm<\/em> falls short on that count.<\/p>\n

\u2022 I am not a fascinating person.\u00a0 As evidence of this, my conversations with others always\u00a0 seem to last much longer when I engage them in discussion about themselves.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u2022 Why are short forks called\u00a0salad forks?\u00a0 Why are salad forks shorter than other forks?\u00a0 Are lightweight forks somehow appropriate for lightweight food?\u00a0 Why would one need a fork that is shorter than regular forks?\u00a0 The better to jab thin … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[40],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15320","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-thoughts-at-large"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15320","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=15320"}],"version-history":[{"count":27,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15320\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":15472,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15320\/revisions\/15472"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=15320"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=15320"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=15320"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}