{"id":13583,"date":"2016-07-28T20:18:53","date_gmt":"2016-07-29T00:18:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/?p=13583"},"modified":"2022-08-01T07:43:00","modified_gmt":"2022-08-01T11:43:00","slug":"what-kind-of-first-worlder-are-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/2016\/07\/what-kind-of-first-worlder-are-you\/","title":{"rendered":"What Kind of First-Worlder are You?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"prep\"<\/a>What kind of First-Worlder are you?\u00a0 Grab a pencil and paper (or your calculator app) and answer this short quiz to find out!<\/p>\n

OFFICIAL FIRST-WORLDER QUIZ<\/span><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

1. <\/span><\/strong>I (do \/ do not) eat the bruised parts of a banana.<\/span><\/p>\n

2. <\/span><\/strong>I (have \/ have not) purchased undergarments to alter the size or shape of my butt.<\/span><\/p>\n

3. <\/span><\/strong>I (do \/ do not) have an IRA or 401k or 403b.<\/span><\/p>\n

4. <\/span><\/strong>I (do \/ do not) complain about how often I need to water our lawn or garden.<\/span><\/p>\n

5. <\/span><\/strong>I (do \/ do not) judge a restaurant by its wine-by-the-glass or craft beer offerings.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

6. <\/span><\/strong>I (would \/ would not) compare the chance event of an hour-long electrical <\/span>p<\/span>ower failure on consecutive summer nights as akin to living in Baghdad.<\/span><\/p>\n

7. <\/span><\/strong>(<\/span>True \/ False) There are certain colors of M&Ms and\/or LifeSavers that I throw away<\/span>.<\/span><\/p>\n

8. <\/span><\/strong>I (have \/ have not) wondered about repercussions of unfriending a person on Facebook.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

9. <\/span><\/strong>I (have \/ have not) checked Amazon reviews of the best espresso machine.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

10. <\/span><\/strong>I (do \/ do not) think my world depends on who is elected President.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

11. <\/span><\/strong>I (do \/ do not) answer internet quizzes.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

ANSWERS and SCORES<\/span><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

1. <\/span><\/strong>Score 6 first-world points if you don’t <\/span>eat the bruised parts of a banana.\u00a0 Score 3 points if you do.\u00a0 Either way, you have a banana!
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

2. <\/span><\/strong>Score 3 first-world points if you ever wondered how your butt looks in various clothes.\u00a0 Score 3 more points if you decided to do something about it.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

3. <\/span><\/strong>Score 6 points if you have an IRA, 401k or 403b.\u00a0 Score 3 more first-world points if you hastily decided to cash out during the 2008 financial crisis.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

4.<\/span><\/strong> Score 4 first-world points if you complain about<\/span> watering your garden and your garden does not feed you.\u00a0 Score 4 more points if you planted your garden to provide a haven for bees, butterflies and other pollinators.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

\"beerflight\"<\/a>5. <\/span><\/strong>Score 1 first-world point for every minute you spend reviewing a restaurant’s wine-by-the-glass or craft beer list before you order.\u00a0 Score another 4 first-world points if you usually request a taste of the ones you are vaguely interested in.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

6. <\/span><\/strong>Score 1 first-world point for every one-point rise in your blood pressure when you discover you have no internet access.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

7. <\/span><\/strong>Score 2 points for every<\/span> color or flavor of M&Ms and\/or LifeSavers you throw away.<\/span><\/p>\n

8. <\/span><\/strong>Score 5 first-world points for every Twitter feed you follow.\u00a0 Score 1 first-world point for every Facebook friend you have in excess of one hundred.\u00a0 Score 5 points for every blog you stopped reading because it was too political, or too wordy, or the person who wrote it was too… I\u00a0don’t know, it just took too much time and there were not enough emojis.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

9. <\/span><\/strong>Score 2 first-world points for every Amazon product review you read in the past month.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

10. <\/span><\/strong>Score 10 first-world points if you think it doesn’t matter whether Donald Trump knows what he is talking about as long as you agree with him. This is America, after all, and we are free to think what we want or not think at all.\u00a0 Bonus: Score 2 points for every time you talked back to the television in the past week.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

11. <\/span><\/strong>Score 6 first-world points for having read this first-world blog to the very end.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

RESULTS<\/span><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

\u2022 If you scored 0-5 points: You obviously cheated.\u00a0 Add 20 points to your first-world score.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2022 If you scored 6-15 points: You must be one of my Canadian readers!\u00a0 As a citizen of America’s 51st state, you should visit more often to fully absorb our first-world culture.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2022 If you scored 16-35 points: You either have too few Facebook friends or you take meds to regulate your blood pressure.\u00a0 To increase your first-world score, you need to submit a Facebook friend request every day until you reach 1000.\u00a0 And consider buying a backup power supply for your laptop so you will never experience the trauma of being offline.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2022 If you scored 36-85 points: Congratulations for having been born in the First World!\u00a0 Drink a Bud Lite, watch a Dallas Cowboys game, and bask in the happy circumstance of having been born in the greatest nation on earth, though you had nothing to do with it. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u2022 If you scored 86-3675 points: Come on.\u00a0 You didn’t really add up all those points.\u00a0 But it doesn’t matter.\u00a0 You don’t have to know how to add.\u00a0 Someone else can do all the adding, maybe someone in Bangladesh.\u00a0 If there isn’t an app for it, who needs it?
\n<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What kind of First-Worlder are you?\u00a0 Grab a pencil and paper (or your calculator app) and answer this short quiz to find out! OFFICIAL FIRST-WORLDER QUIZ 1. I (do \/ do not) eat the bruised parts of a banana. 2. … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13583","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-commentary"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13583","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13583"}],"version-history":[{"count":49,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13583\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":28266,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13583\/revisions\/28266"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13583"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13583"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13583"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}