{"id":12602,"date":"2016-02-23T16:10:22","date_gmt":"2016-02-23T21:10:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/?p=12602"},"modified":"2022-08-01T07:43:01","modified_gmt":"2022-08-01T11:43:01","slug":"nominate-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/2016\/02\/nominate-me\/","title":{"rendered":"Nominate Me!"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"judge\"<\/a>

Your next Supreme Court Justice<\/span><\/p><\/div>\n

Mr. President, I just heard there is an opening on the U.S. Supreme Court.\u00a0 I have a great idea.\u00a0 Why not save yourself a lot of trouble and just nominate me?\u00a0 I\u00a0would be an excellent pick, for a variety of reasons:<\/p>\n

\u2022 First, I look good in black.<\/p>\n

\u2022 I have a lot of opinions.\u00a0 That’s important.<\/p>\n

\u2022 I have no record of legal decisions that can be used against me in a confirmation fight.<\/p>\n

\u2022 That speeding ticket I got on the Washington, D.C. beltway?\u00a0 Come on, that was almost twenty years ago.\u00a0 But it gave me a personal, lasting sensitivity to injustice in America.<\/p>\n

\u2022 I would give the court some much-needed diversity: the atheist viewpoint.<\/p>\n

\u2022 I don’t like large groups.\u00a0 Dealing with eight other people would be about right for me.<\/p>\n

\u2022 I learned from watching Judge Judy that if it doesn’t make sense, it probably isn’t true.<\/p>\n

\u2022 I once read a book on the Federalist Papers, and another one about the Constitution, and\u00a0 I thought they were interesting.\u00a0 So I don’t think I would fall asleep at the bench, much.<\/p>\n

\u2022 I could be friends with Ruth Bader Ginsburg too, if she doesn’t ask me to go to the opera.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Making $240,000 a year for the rest of my life, with July, August and September off, sounds good to me.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Most importantly, I know how the Court works.\u00a0 My clerks will do the grunt work.\u00a0 I will just say to them, this is what I think, now go find me some legal rationale for it.<\/p>\n

Mr. President, I await your — and our nation’s — call.\u00a0 But please, call before happy hour.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Mr. President, I just heard there is an opening on the U.S. Supreme Court.\u00a0 I have a great idea.\u00a0 Why not save yourself a lot of trouble and just nominate me?\u00a0 I\u00a0would be an excellent pick, for a variety of … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[45,3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12602","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","category-commentary"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12602","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12602"}],"version-history":[{"count":15,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12602\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12649,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12602\/revisions\/12649"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12602"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12602"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chcollins.com\/100Billion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12602"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}