Category Archives: Creativity

I bring to your attention recently-published findings from the Center for Higher Learning at the University of Newer New Mexico.   A team of UNNM researchers believe they have discovered the basis of the phenomenon that most of us call “vibes” — the human ability to transmit positive (and often negative) thoughts in order to influence another’s emotions and/or behavior and/or the outcome of an upcoming event.

Vibes (with apologies to Eugene Delacroix)Vibes are most likely to be detected in sports bars and hospital waiting rooms, said UNNM neurophysicist Lionel Trane.  “Wherever there are strong emotions or intense longing is a good place to find vibes,” Dr. Trane explained between his studied sips of white zinfandel.  “Take singles bars.  Our team observed that people who frequent singles bars are finely attuned to good and bad vibes given off from other patrons.  We ventured that the transmission, reception and interpretation of vibes leads to fewer false moves and rejections and more satisfying encounters.  We thought that some interesting physics might be behind this.”

So Dr. Trane and a cooperative cadre of graduate students dedicated themselves (thanks to a grant from the Templeton Foundation) to attend singles bars three nights a week for an entire semester in order to better study this phenomenon.

To detect vibes, the students used a device designed by Dr. Trane and his fellow research associate Wes Crusher.  The detector is essentially a small parabolic dish that fits on top of a Pittsburgh Pirates baseball cap worn by the student.  When the student entered a venue, signals from the dish would be transmitted to a van parked outside, where Dr. Trane and Mr. Crusher recorded and monitored the data stream while fending off the suspicions of the bouncer.

Performing a study in this setting was not without its difficulties, according to Dr. Trane. As he explained, many of the vibes they picked up were of the variety, “Who is that guy with the dish on his head?”  Trane and Crusher spent an entire hunker-down weekend filtering out such spurious signals, along with the static generated whenever the receiver was splashed with beer or was jostled by angry subjects who discovered their vibes were being intercepted.

After the research team eliminated the bad data — along with all the other data that did not support their hypothesis — they submitted the remaining signals to spectrum analysis. “It was full spectrum,” said Mr. Crusher.  “None of that phasers-on-stun stuff — this was serious business.”  Crusher shared with us their analysis of the vibe diagrams (below):

spectra

“Vibes have chracteristic colors.  Green means hope,” Crusher said.  “Red means red.  This is the most convincing evidence of vibes ever.”  But Trane objected.  “Sorry, Mr. Crusher.  Red means wolf.  We discussed this at the campfire last night and you agreed with me.”

We watched as Trane and Crusher then grappled with each other on the dirt floor.  On an impulse, I asked Trane whether Carlos Castaneda’s experiences were real or imagined.  Trane looked at me with hardened eyes and then suddenly grasped Crusher’s midsection, entwining himself into its glowing emanations and hurling himself into the nether.

I asked Crusher one last question.  “It’s the thought that counts,” he answered cryptically,  then he turned and walked into the desert night, leaving us with only the vibe diagrams and our fragile memories.

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I present an A-to-Z list (excluding X) of five-letter words that end in T.  To qualify for my prestigious list, no word may duplicate the last three letters of any other word in the list.  As a challenge to your mental dexterity, I leave the five-letter B, I, N and W words for you, devoted reader.

The first to post their answers will be this week’s Winner of the Internet.  Have fun!

ALERT
B • • • T
CIVET
DIVOT
EGRET
FAINT
GRANT
HEART
I • • • T
JOUST
KNELT
LEAST
MOUNT
N • • • T
OCTET
PLEAT
QUEST
ROBOT
SCOOT
TAROT
UNLIT
VAULT
W • • • T
YACHT
ZIZIT

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I. (by Gregory)

the lava of my soul ignites
the path of my passions
i watch as the world erupts
in blameless incomprehsion
as i cast off the shackles
of my solitude

 

II. (by Amil)

Which shall it be?  Shall it be
breadcrusts today?
(The people say no.)
Oh no?  Then shall it be
muffins today?
(The people again say no.)
Oh no?  Then it must be
cake today.
That is your choice.
You have chosen cake.
(The people eat cake.)
Who decides which it shall be?
Is it you?  No, it is me.

 

III. (by Sophia)

I cast a longing glance
   at your figure, standing
      by the door
The grain of the oak
   matches the texture
      of your jacket
Will you leave the room
   or will you turn away
      from that wooden grave
         and walk to me

 

IV. (by Jayden)

O wretched snake! O slithery eel!
Be still and do not curl your tail!
Be kind and do not eat your meal!
Starve yourselves, we say, so that
we may enjoy the beauty of this day.

 

X. (by Rylee)

We went for a ride in your car
We didn’t go very far
It was just down the block
It was about four-o-clock
Your car seats were cold
And they were also very old
You know what happened next
I sent all my friends a text
You can see yourself on Facebook
And see just how you looked
When you got denied
On our little ride.
We can still be friends
but that shit got to end.

 

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