Yearly Archives: 2014

Hello, this is Charley again.  Time for my annual trail ride through the badlands of writing, as only a cowboy can tell it.  Lucky you — you finally get to hear my thoughts on the range, inspired by The Teachings of John Wayne: A Gunslinger Way of Knowledge, which was read by every cactus-smoking college student in New Mexico in the 70s.  I should know.

BulletHere is my first thought.  The owner of this blog makes a big deal about the number of posts he has done.  Well, I can count too.  This is my fifth post.  And you can read them all, if you follow these simple instructions:

Cowboy Instructions:

Type CHARLEY into the box in the sidebar and click Search.

City Slicker Instructions:

Find the handheld device known as your mouse.  Move the mouse to the right until the arrow on the screen is on top of the empty box next to the Search button.  Now, click the left button on the mouse.  You will see a thin vertical line flashing in the box.  This means that you are ready to type.

Now, look down at the computer keyboard in front of you.  You will see a key with the letter C on it, near the bottom left of the keyboard.  Move your finger over to that key.  Press down and then quickly let go.  You will see a C appear in the search box.

Note: If you see more than one C in the box, then you did not release the key in time.  You need to find the Backspace key and hold it down until there is only one C left.

OK.  Now you are ready to type the next letter.  Find the H key — it is right there in the middle of the keyboard.  Press that key down and quickly let go.  You should now see CH in the search box.

Repeat this step for the letters A, R, L, E and Y.  If you see the word CHARLEY in the search box, then grab your mouse, hold it down onto a textured surface, and move it to the right until the arrow on the screen appears to be pointing to the Search button.  Press and release the button on the upper left corner of the mouse.   All of my posts will be instantly displayed on your screen, like magic.

Now that we have gotten rid of all the city slickers, we can talk serious cowboy business.

BulletHere is my second Thought-on-the-Range.  Sometimes, when people are really lonely and have had a few shots of redeye, they ask me, what are my favorite cowboy songs?  I have no trouble answering: Wild West Hero by Electric Light Orchestra, Where Have All the Cowboys Gone by Paula Cole, and Groove is in the Heart by Deee-Lite.  Seriously, that retro catsuit makes Lady Miss Kier look like a diamondback rattlesnake.  You go watch and listen.  I’ll wait.

BulletHere is my third and final thought.  My momma named me after One Horse Charley, an African-American cowboy who, as legend has it, could ride any horse in the state of Nevada.  In the late 1800s, maybe 20% of all cowboys were African-American, some of the finest in the Old West.  I’m proud of my heritage.  Cowboy lives matter.

I don’t count the number of scorpion stings I’ve had or the number of times I’ve blown bubbles in my coffee mug and called it a latte.  But nobody cares, because we all have our own problems.  You and me, we meet around this time every Christmas and exchange a little not-so-cheerful Christmas Cheer.  That’s life on the range for you.

See you soon, maybe.  Thanks for reading.  Signed, Charley.

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Hooping It Up in AshevilleThis is the 350th post on this blog. While I have plenty more to say and lots of topics in the can, it feels like a good time to call it a year and let my friend Charley keep an eye on things here for the next few weeks.  As we all know, Charley can get a little prickly at times, but you would too if you had to wait all year to have your say.  So if he does, cut him a little slack please.

So here’s to hooping it up over the holidays.  Hope to see you back here in 2015.  Til then, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas and Szczesliwego Nowego Roku.

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Torch Up - Don't Shoot

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